30^th September – Skagway – Wind from the North (or variations of that)

We wake up to find we are already docked at Skagway. Another beautiful town surrounded by dominating mountains, some of which have a lovely smattering of snow on them.

To prepare for the day we hit the gym first, before heading to breakfast.

Breakfast at the trough is always a bit entertaining and today I was engaged in conversation by someone I like to call Big Red Neck.

BRN: Holding up a “biscuit” (imagine Jo putting on her best southern accent) “they call this is a biscuit, don’t look like no biscuit I eva seen”

BRN: Pauses for effect or maybe he just takes a while to get started “looks more like one of those scooooooooooooooone things”

JKW: Puts on best British accent possible “its certainly not a biscuit, if you ask for a biscuit where I am from, you’d get quite the surprise”

BRN: Looks confused, walks away. Clearly I am not as funny as I thought.

Well that was fun.

Today we have another tour booked. It is called “Best of Skagway and White Pass Railway”. Well, that sounds rather lovely.

A quick scout around the town, Jason finds there are at least two breweries. Essential information in order to map out our day. Quite of few of the stores have already closed for the season. There will not be many cruise ships after us and many of the summer residents have gone back to their hometowns, rather than brave an Alaskan winter. I completely get that.

A few years back there was a massive rockslide right by the dock, one of the areas is closed due to the risk. The following year rocks and debris were still falling and they wanted to put a warning system up there, technology, it seems, was too expensive. So they paid someone 52k to stay up on the top of the hill, not on the landslide – phew, and phone them if things started falling.

It did not take them long to figure out that was probably not the best approach and they shut it down. What a job though!

Our bus takes us on the scenic route to get to Liarsville. Yep, it is actually called Liarsville. The Liarsville Camp was originally named after journalists who came here during the Klondike Gold Rush and cooked up a whole lot of bullshit (Things have not changed since the 1890s). Apparently it was their job to go to the gold mining area and report back, but they deemed the track too dangerous and hard (they were right) so instead, they listened in on conversations of those who had been, embellished it, and published it. Starting the gold rush.

As we arrive one of the “Liarsville Players” jumps on the bus, starts talking in old timey lingo, and howling. Oh for fucks sake, what have we walked into. He does a big spiel and welcomes us all to Liarsville. There will be a show later, can we escape? Jason and I look at each other, but no, we got her by bus, and stealing it would not be a great look.

Ah well, we grab a beer and wine, I feel we are going to need it. Before the show we have, what the locals all, a salmon bake. That does not mean that the salmon is put in the oven and baked, it is actually cold smoked over an open fire. Its more of a BBQ and the offerings look pretty damn good.

BBQed chicken, coleslaw, cornbread, pickles, and, of course, salmon. It is really tasty. We take our time, surely if we wait long enough we will miss the show? Unfortunately, they know where we are and promptly herd us up and over. There is a lovely fire burning, did I mention its bloody cold here????, and that attracts us. Talk about moths, we head to the fire, only to find out the show is NOT being held here. We are ushered into the cold.

I am not sure what to say about the show, you really have to see it for yourselves. They are enthusiastic and clearly have their routine nailed. But, it could have been because it was the end of the season, or it could be because its just shit… but it was TERRIBLE. Cringeworthy. Awkward at times.

Luckily it only lasted 30 minutes or so, felt longer, and we were moved on to the next activity. Panning for gold. Of course gold had been placed in the dirt we were panning for, but it was still fun. I opted out, the water is fucking freezing, are you insane!!! And nominated Jason to do the hard work, and he did it very well. He will be investing his gold into a Mustang, matchbox car.

After Liarsville we head back into town, this time we are off to a brothel. Well its about time if you ask me! This brothel was established in 1898 and was called the Red Onion. Wow, I am not sure if that is the worst or the best name for a brothel.

In Skagway at that time there were 1,500 men and 300 sex workers. These girls were BUSY.

In order to select your “date” there were a bunch of dolls behind the bar that indicated hair colour, eye colour, shape, etc. The patron would indicate which doll he wanted, the lady was engaged and off they went. The doll was laid down to indicated, well, that she was laying down.

$5 for 15 minutes and that shit was timed down to the last second. The men would pay the women, before the deed (smart ladies), and they dropped the coins into a hole in the floor. That hole was connected to an array of copper pipes that all, ultimately, lead down to the area behind the bar.

$5 was an awful lot back then, but by the time the madam and the hired thugs got paid they really did not end up with overly much. Sadly enough, it was way more than they would have earned anywhere else.

The original brothel is still standing including the original wiring and some of the original wallpaper. Really interesting. They had electricity in 1897, seven years before move of Manhattan.

The gold rush only lasted 2 years because, well, shit had been made up and there really wasn’t that much gold in them there hills. The brothel itself only really boomed for the same amount of time.

The tour was great, our guide was funny and knowledgeable. If you had to choose between the Liarsville Players and this working girl, choose the working girl!

OMG AND AND AND, did you know what the original purpose of Lysol was???

Hold on to your panties ladies.

Use as a contraceptive

The Lysol disinfectant douche once was “the leading feminine hygiene product” in the United States. Advertisements for Lysol during the 1930s hinted at its use as a contraceptive but never explicitly promoted it to be used as such. Advertisements did note that Lysol was safe to use including on “delicate female tissues”. By 1911, 193 Lysol poisonings were recorded along with five deaths from “uterine irrigation”.

Good to see that some things never change. Test it out on women, it will be fine! My eyes watered just thinking about it.

Back on the bus, and we are off to British Columbia for our train ride. That’s right, we are heading back to Canada. Too funny, we only really left Canada a few days ago and we are heading back.

The bus ride takes about an hour heading along the motorway and past some beautiful scenery, we get out to take photos and freeze our bits off. The wind is whipping through this pass like nothing else.

Jason is really looking forward to this train ride, funny boy. The train is beautiful and reasonably comfortable, except for the fact there is no beverage car!!! There are little platforms at the end of each railcar where we can take photos.

As the conductor said, we have lots of wild animals here, but a platform hog is not one of them, so please share the view. Some people did not get the message. Actually, only two people, and the rest of us have noticed. So we take turns ensuring others have access to the view. Why, oh why, are people assholes?

As we head down the pass a bald eagle starts to fly next to our carriage, tracking us for a good few minutes, how special is that! I am loving the wildlife here, it is so amenable. We did not see any bears though.

After 90 minutes we arrive at Skagway station and opt to walk to town. Jason has not forgotten about the breweries. After a bit of discussion we decide to head to Skagway Brewing first, and I am so glad that we did. This place is such fun, absolutely humming with activity, the beers are nice (according to sir), the cocktails are insane (according to me), and their spruce tip cookies are AMAZING.

Quick side note, spruce tips are the new growth at the end of branches on spruce trees, which are EVERYWHERE in Alaska. They use spruce tips in cooking, brewing, wine making, everything. According to the web spruce tips are exceptionally high in Vitamin C, potassium and magnesium. So, eating cookies and drinking beer with spruce tips in them, MUST be good for you.

If you find yourself in Skagway I would highly recommend Skagway Brewing Company | Restaurant | Brewery | Gift Shop for food, beers, company, and cookies. We went there for one drink and stayed for a few more.

Jason wanted to see the second brewery though, so we dragged ourselves away and walked along the wooden footpaths (yep wooden footpaths) to Klondike Brewing.

And this place just let me down. I understand that there are some places that only do beer, they can only sell what they brew on location. New to me, but I get it. However, this place made it seem like I was a complete waste of their time for even asking. Such disappointing service, I am not even going to put the link because, fuck them.

Also, super weird, I went to the toilet and there was a massive hole in the wall. The toilet paper was quality though, I mean, super soft, so… well, there is that.

Skagway is beautiful and the people are friendly and helpful, definitely visit.

We head back to the boat, tonight we are eating at the specialty steak restaurant, Cagney’s. It is amazing. The steak was perfect, we had wonderful waiting staff that picked the right wine and were so attentive. The perfect end to the perfect day.

Another sleep of the happy dead.