25th September – leaving Canada
As mentioned, we caught the Clipper over to Seattle and it was super comfortable, thanks to the Comfort aka old people seats. It’s a really good thing I did book these as I looked at the other seats and Jason’s legs simply would not have fit.
We arrive on time, a novelty I greatly appreciate. Getting off the boat and onto land was very easy.
Just after 900pm we were landside and looking for a ride to our accommodation. It is only a few kms away, but way too far to walk and god knows what kind of neighbourhoods we would walk through to get there.
There were a few taxis but also a novel approach to getting passengers. You just approach and see where they are going and say “I can take you there, for this much money”. At first WARNING WARNING. But so many people were doing it we thought, this must be how it works. Plus I did not have a SIM so no way of ordering an Uber.
We ended up sharing a ride with, of course, a couple of Australians. And it worked out perfectly. $20 and 5 minutes later we are at the hotel and checking in.
We are staying at The State Hotel, it is super central and the outside looks very modern. Check in was also smooth and hassle free. Thank gods.
By 930pm we are in our hotel room. And it is shit. It is the size of a shoe box, and lets be honest, I know shoe boxes.
The view out the window is a wall. And I don’t mean a wall across the road where you can only see another building, but a wall that, if the windows opened, I could reach out and touch. WHICH, I certainly would not do, because the entire flock of flying rats, I mean pigeons, that inhabit this wall would be highly pissed off. Downtown Seattle Hotels Near Pike Place Market | The State Hotel, Seattle
No exaggeration, there was a flock/group/murder/gaggle of dirty little sky rodents living outside our room. Staring in, judging, and cooing.
There is a also a sketch or spray painted portrait of Che Guevara outside the window. At first, tired brain me thought – wow that’s dedication, to climb down that little space and paint that. Before realising, the probably did before the windows and pigeons were installed.
Back to the flying maggots. I thought, double glazing, all will be grand. But those little disease-ridden fuckers know how to live it up, and they live it up loud.
ALL HAIL THE EARPLUGS. Is all I can say, we unpack our essentials before bed, wash in our teeny of all teeny bathrooms, and go to bed. In our little cubicle.
We sleep, the pigeons sleep.
26th September – A Full Day in Seattle
We only really have 36 hours in Seattle to explore and make the most of the city. So its an early start. We want to get our washing sorted, especially before we get on the cruise and they charge us an arm and leg to get it done.
So, keeping in mind I still do not have a USA SIM card, I want to do all research and planning before leaving the safety of our hotel Wi-Fi.
According to Google there is a laundromat, that takes card payment i.e. no coins necessary, and it is about a 25 minute walk from here. Also, to find a SIM card, the receptionist recommends a few places, including 7-Eleven.
We map out the route that will get us to the laundromat via a 7-Eleven. I take screen shots of all the maps to help and off we set. 32 blocks in total, we are on 2nd avenue and the laundromat is on 34th. Madrona.
Off we go, walking through some interesting areas, getting the lay of the land for an area I don’t think we will ever want to visit again.
Before we hit our stride, I thought I would nip into Walgreens, they might have SIM cards. Unfortunately, both the women working there were nudging 110yo, and struggled with the concept that mobile phones needed another other than a charger. Abort, abort.
Up hill and down valley we go, until we find the street that 7-Eleven is on, we are doing so well navigating without GPS. Relieved we walk into the store and ask “do you have SIM cards”. No, no they do not. No, they don’t know where to get them.
Well fuck.
Nothing to be done, we will continue our journey onto the laundromat. After a quick stop at the hole-in-the-wall coffee place to double check our location, try and find out where in fact to get a SIM card, and get Jason, a much needed, coffee.
The young woman at the coffee place was an absolute angel. We explained our situation and she said she had been in exactly the same position in Paris and, if it were not for the kindness of strangers, she would have been screwed. So she set about getting intel and being an absolute love.
The name of the hole-in-the-wall is Westman’s Bagel and Coffee (Westman’s Bagel & Coffee (westmansbagel.com)) a Latinx women owned establishment. Is it coincidental that they are also super fucking helpful… I think NOT.
We recalibrate, Jason has his coffee, and we continue to the laundromat. Only another 19 blocks to go. Sigh.
Onward and upward, or so they say.
We walk past a load of donut shops and adult entertainment. A business called the Honey Hole which, despite the name, is neither for donuts or adult entertainment.
As we walk along, we see a Seattle squirrel. We know it’s a city squirrel because it has nabbed some KFC bones out of the bin and is happily indulging itself. Not overfly fussed when I stop to take photos. As long as I am not reaching for his KFC. I wonder if their life expectancy is shorter here… heart disease?
Quite some time later we make it to the laundromat! Victory! I can almost taste the feel of fresh laundry, until… I find out that Google had fucked with me. It is a coin operated laundromat, we have no coins, and according to the local shop keeper there are no ATMs nearby. He had one, but after so many break ins, he had it removed.
Yeah, that neighbourhood…
At this stage I am completely calm and reasonable. HA! I am grumpy as fuck and ready to tear anyone within arm’s reach, a new one.
We walk to the closest ATM, 6 blocks back in the direction we had come from. Maybe they have SIM cards there too. There is an ATM, thank you gods. I get out cash.
Jason approaches the cashier and enquires about SIM cards. An interaction that will stay in my mind for ever.
Jason: Gidday mate, do you have SIM cards.
DAFHD: blank stare
Jason: We are looking for a SIM card mate.
DAFHD: I am sorry, you want something to do with cats?
JKW: Nearly wetting herself, regroups and puts on her best posh accent. Do you have SIM Cards for mobile phones.
DAFHD: No, we don’t, sorry.
It becomes apparent to me that Jason should not be allowed to interact with locals AND finding a SIM card would be fucking hard.
The time and desire to do laundry has passed. We decide to walk back. I interalise the entire situation in my normal healthy (unhealthy) way. When I stumble across the fucking obvious. My bestie, the amazing Vanessa Hunger, had pre ordered an eSIM in the past. Why, for the love of all things good and amazing, did I not do this.
Fucking idiot.
As we slump our way 24 blocks back to the hotel I am busy on my phone. Step one, buy an eSIM! And it works!!! Step 2, find another solution to our laundry issue.
This turns out to be a solution called We Wash, I will not be putting a link – because I like you all.
They will pick up and deliver your laundry as designated times. I choose a 10am pickup and an 800am tomorrow drop off.
All sorted. Thank you internet. Thank you.
Back at the hotel the laundry angels are there to pick it up. Thank you very much. I did make a mistake of using my name for the order. This is normally not an issue as everything is usually booked under my name. But our travel agent chose the road of least resistance and used Jason’s name for all our bookings. I get it.
So at first the laundry people were having issues finding us. Sorted, by laundry. I cannot wait.
Well that was 2 hours of wasted time, but we got our steps up. FFS.
Breakfast time! Then refresh, and sightseeing.
Ian MacDonald had supplied me with a list of cool things to do, and as we have limited time we are going to do it ALL! Of course.
We are just around the corner from Pike Place Market (Pike Place Market), is a historic public market that has been a cornerstone of the city since its founding in 1907. It was established in response to public outcry over high food prices (hmm sounds like we need to kick start a few new markets now), allowing farmers to sell directly to consumers.
Many times, it has been threatened with removal or demolishment. But it is now under the protection of the Pike Place Market Preservation and Development Authority established in 1971. It covers nine acres and is home to hundreds of farmers, craftspeople, small businesses, and residents.
One of the main attractions is the Flying Fish. Not actual flying fish, well kind of. It is a fish-throwing tradition at Pike Place Fish Market. Fishmongers have perfected the art of tossing slippery salmon through the air. It’s like a seafood circus, and yes, they do catch them (most of the time) – there were a few dodgy catches when we were watching. I was pleased NOT to be in the line of sight.
There is also the first Starbucks and people line up for this. Just to have a photo taken or, heaven forbid, order some of their shit coffee (Jason’s words, not mine).
One of the most disgusting things here is not the fish, or the smell of fish but the Gum Wall. A wall covered in chewing gum. It’s both gross and fascinating, and in a world of covid surely a gross and sticky fucking health issue?
There are baking, cheese makers, potters and the usual charms and all sorts of stuff that you don’t want to clutter your house with. Or maybe you do, but we opted for no and kept on walking.
On our list is the Monorail and the Space Needle, so time to start walking. As we head to the monorail we cross paths with a lot of homeless, disturbed, and, in need of help, shouty people. This is quite a shock considering we have spent the last two weeks in Canada surrounded by extremely polite people, even those on the fringes didn’t seem to spend a lot of time yelling and shouting
Maybe I am just a bit sensitive.
We find the monorail and take it the one stop! The Monorail opened to the public on March 24, 1962 nearly one month before the start of the World’s Fair. At a cost of $3.5 million, the trains carried more than eight million guests during the six months of the fair, easily paying for the cost of construction. The full initial capital cost of the system was recovered and they made a before the end of the fair. BUT, it is only one stop. Quite funny really. Home – Seattle Monorail
And a little unnerving as you go around a corner and feel like you are on a very precarious lean. Sure it is safe, I mean, it was built in the 60s.
It conveniently drops us off at the Space Needle. Getting tickets was super easy, except the machine kept making my bank think we were being scammed, so my card got blocked twice
We thought it must be slow day, we pat ourselves on the back for our great timing, and we join the line only to find out we had been Disneylanded. That is where you are lulled into thinking the queue is small and easy, only to round the corner and see a hundred people in front of you.
We entertain ourselves people watching as we round corner after corner to get to the lift. There is a lot of information you can read about the construction of the needle. The one thing that concerned me was the use of the word “approximately”. Personally, I would rather they knew exactly the number of bolts preventing the whole thing from falling over.
There is a lego replica of the needle which is pretty cool. Needs a good clean though. A wee bit of elbow grease with a duster would not go amiss.
45 minutes later we made it to the top, it was worth it. The view is amazing and there are lots of photo opportunities, which Jason is THRILLED about.
We have a couple of refreshments, enjoy the view as well as the people watching. Tourists! Before joining the queue to head back down. In the queue I am suddenly best friends with a woman who gives me the full run down of her current health conditions, including, but not limited to, menopause, hip pain, and a recent knee replacement. My words were sympathetic, but usually I have trouble convincing my face to play along… clearly this time it did not matter.
I wish her well.
I had ordered a raincoat from Amazon as we were heading to Seattle and it arrived today. Unfortunately, it was not the size I wanted and I needed to return it. I filled out all the forms and simply needed to drop it off at the closest Wholefoods. No need to box it, address it, nothing. Just take it to the counter, the scan the barcode, take the item, and done. JESUS AMAZON, well done, it actually was that easy and gave me the perfect excuse to explore Wholefoods. That place is amazing. SO much cheese.
The Seattle Great Wheel is next, so we follow the blue line. On the way we see a gathering, a cluster, a brood, a fleet, a bouquet of fire trucks and, of course, firemen. Jason’s first thought is its our hotel and all our items have gone up in smoke. My first thought is, are any of them in calendars and, if so, where can I purchase said calendars for my friends.
Neither were true, actually I am not sure if they were in calendars or not, no time to ask. Whatever was going on, was clearly a big deal as all traffic was a standstill and there were at least a dozen appliances.
We make it to the Great Wheel, get tickets, join the very short line and off we go. Of all the wheels we have been on this was probably a bit meh. Mostly a view of the port area, which is never overly attractive. You get a view of part of the city, but nothing that really gives you the best impression. Later, we find that the Great Wheel is better to take pictures of than to actually ride in. Personal opinion. But if you are keen, more details can be found here: Seattle Ferris Wheel at Pier 57 | Seattle Great Wheel.
It is only early afternoon, and we really want to maximise our time in Seattle so I sign us up for a sunset cruise on a proper stick and cloth boat. We have enough time to head back to the hotel for warm clothing, pick up some liquid refreshments, select some snacks and join the boat.
As we walk back a couple of local young men walk, skip, dance past us. Listening to their Bose speaker which is cable tied to the side of one backpack. The lyrics are fuck this, fuck that, ni**er this and that. Super loud, I did not really mind, they seemed happy enough. If anything, I felt somewhat embarrassed that I didn’t know any of the tunes. I mean we were crossing paths with them for a good 30 minutes and I did not recognise one track. I am old.
The options for wine liquid refreshments are pretty slim. Oh Jeysus! Walgreens. We head back and look for options. There are not a lot and I feel like I am in a game show of some sort, where I need to make the least poor choice. I grab a bottle of red, it is from Italy and I hope for the best.
Jason is staring at the beer fridge with a level of despair. Ultimately we decide we have time to nip into the local brewery and pick him up a couple of cans. No wonder he loves me.
I have also located a place called The Cheese Box (yeah baby) who specialise in “curated to-go boxes of cheese & cheese accompaniments” they are talking my love language. I promise you though, I am not cheating on my favourite Church Mouse Cheese. They were not up to that standard. But hit the spot and if you are in need and in Seattle check them out The Cheese Box | Seattle’s Only Independent Dedicated Cheese Shop.
We have Pike Brewery beer, some unrecognisable Italian red wine, Cheese Box cheese selection, warm clothes, and are ready for the sunset experience.
It is a proper rag and stick boat, and both the captain and crew are women. So yes, we left on time.
The cruise was beautiful and being on the boat/yacht/floaty thing was super quiet and relaxing. At least it would have been if it wasn’t for our fellow passengers. One woman in particular, I thought Jason was actually going to tell her to be quiet, and he is the patient one.
I am unsure of her name, but I can tell you the name of her friends, her family, her cat, her gynaecologist and just about any other person she has met, EVER. The constant chit chat can generally be ignored but this woman screeched, actually screeched and seemed to take great pleasure in shouting, squealing, cackling and shrieking. I wanted to hold her under water until the bubbles stopped.
The rest of the her crew Lesley (the best friend), Zac (Lesley’s husband), and Mike (she is marrying him tomorrow – run Mike, run) are relatively quiet, this woman, I shall call her Fran Fine, grated like nails on a blackboard. It went on, non stop, for 2 hours. 2 LOOOOOOOOONG HOURS.
I thought, fuck it, I will have a large glass of wine and zone her out. Then I tasted the wine. OMG, I failed immensely. The wine is terrible. Bubbly sugar water. Jason loved it. The cheese was delightful though!
Whilst Fran continued to shriek in hilarity at her own jokes, I leaned back and tried to concentrate on anything else. Only to realise the short, ugly, little man behind me was lecturing his girlfriend (who was levels and levels above him) about why he is a great guy for calling her out on her behaviour.
Old mate feels that a sunset cruise is the perfect time to air any grievances he has and wonders why she’s gone very quiet. If I pretend to trip and accidentally push him into the water, would anyone notice. I am confident his girlfriend would count to 10 before calling out man overboard.
Shoot me, just shoot me. I cannot do this, where is the exit? Oh yeah, 2kms that way, on shore.
The time slowly, so very, very slowly, counts down and we finally return to the dock. We shall mark that down as one of the all time worst experiences we have had in our time travelling together. The story is a good one though.
It starts to rain, the sky is mocking us. We return to our hotel room, check to make sure our collection of pigeons is alive and well, they are.
Oh! I get a message, our laundry has been delivered. That would be amazing!! Early turn around. I dash downstairs to the reception, and ask if my washing had been returned. Please learn from me, do not ask anyone in the US about washing, they assume its washing yourself, laundry is the correct terminology to avoid being looked at strangely.
Anyway, no it has not been delivered, that message was incorrect.
Bollocks.
Goodnight sky rats. Shut the fuck up.
27th September – Sleepless in Seattle, well the pigeons slept
This morning we board our cruise ship for our Alaskan cruise. This is the experience around which I built the entire itinerary. Jason is addicted to all things Alaskan on Discovery Channel. Alaskan Gold, Alaskan Truckers, Alaskan Bush People, Gold Rush, Life Below Zero, Mountain Men, The Last Frontier, just to name a few.
We are both very excited to finally see Alaska up close and personal. Including all the creatures that live there.
Our boarding time is 1000am-1045am. Our washing is due to be delivered at 815am. We shower, we pack, we wait. And Wait. And keep waiting.
As 815am turns to 845am, then to 900am. I am really starting to panic. The company is not responding, and I am stressing out massively. Thinking of all the contingency plans, the thought of asking anyone at the hotel to do something outside the norm, nope, that is not going to work.
They can barely give you directions to the next street.
Oh shit, do I run across the road to get some underwear from Target? If I do, they would need washing, I mean laundering, too!
I have contacted our booked transfer and asked that he arrives a later, so we can give the delivery driver as much time as possible to deliver the washing. AND, with literally MINUTES to spare he does.
I am elated and furious and exhausted all at once. But I have clean underwear and clothes, so move on.
Never have I been so appreciative of our washing machine. I miss you.
Throwing it in the suitcase, dashing back downstairs where we meet our driver, getting to the cruise terminal in plenty of time.
WHAT A MORNING! Its only 1010am and I think I have aged years!
I never made it to the mothership, Microsoft, there was just not enough time. Jason has said he would never be back, but I want to give it another try…. hopefully I will get the opportunity.
Last thought for Seattle. The Fucking Taxes people. From our hotel room.
Room Charge – normal, will pay that, it’s the room I want.
WA State Sales Tax – 6.5% – GST, ok, sounds reasonable.
Local City/County Sales Tax – 2.2% – oh extra GST, just because.
Convention and Trade Center Tax – 7.0% – WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
Seattle Tourism Improvement Area – 2.3% – Oh now you are just taking the piss.
If I do come back, I won’t be paying.
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