Tag: canada

Victoria, BC

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23rd September – Victoria

We made it out of town and to the airport with plenty of time to spare and absolutely no dramas. We had done our homework before leaving the hotel, asking both Uber drivers from the night before and the hotel receptionist to ensure we were heading the right way before I got behind the wheel and took out any pedestrians.

We figured we would have breakfast at the airport. Our bags are pretty heavy and we didn’t want to stress on when we arrived.

All the homework paid off and all the worry was for no reason. It was a 20 minute ride to the airport and even with the “peak hour” traffic there really were no issues.

Arriving at the airport the directions to drop off the rental car were easy and it all went seamlessly. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Will they try and charge us for something, is this the wrong drop off point, OR is this the wrong airport???? But no, it all went super well (do you like how I am adopting our Canadian/American vernacular “super”) now onto the terminal.

At the kiosk, no issues, get out bag tags, attach to bags and head to the bag drop. No queues, no struggle, this is WAY too easy. Looking over my shoulder to see who is going to come and get me! There is no way this is going to go smoothly. I mean, come ON.

The bag drop, bag 1, boom gone. Bag 2, boom see ya. Bag 3, “this tag has already been scanned”. Yeah, there you go, that’s more like it. The relaxing feeling that the universe has righted itself.

We seek out a, way too easily identified and way too helpful airline assistant. Rather than being told there was an issue and I would have to pay, or being made to wait 30 minutes only to find out they could not help me, he escorts me over to another counter, scans my bag and wishes me a safe trip.

What kind of devil magic is this!

Next is security. I know we are not in the USA but surely Canada has the same draconian and time sucking process that is used by their neighbours and best friend. Hmmm, nope, we are scanned, and other than asking about my power bank (which is the mother of all power banks) we are through and clear.

Because we had been so sure there would be issues along the way we are now through security and standing on the right side of the airport with 3 hours to go. When does that happen?

The airport is relatively quiet, plenty of room to sit. We choose a breakfast option, some sort of mass produced omelette, and settle down.

The bonus of having lots of time to spare, I can sit down and knock out some posts from our trip so far. After breakfast and taking into account boarding time, I have 90 minutes. That should help with the backlog and, of course, fill in a fair bit of time.

Jason takes the opportunity to explore the airport. I am really pleased to say that he decides not to go through the doors to the other terminal. Which is really a good thing, I would have been a bit miffed to leave him behind. Then again, needs must.

Time ticks along, I get a lot written up and done, surely it is boarding time soon. Ahh, delays. Hello my old friend. Not to worry, only a 30 minute delay. Nope, 45 minutes, nope, 60 minutes, ahhh 90 minutes. I am so productive.

There was one REVOLTING issue with waiting at the airport, there was this gross, disgusting, vulgar, mother fucker who was coughing and snorting, and swallowing. It was loud, it was disgusting and I was very close to pointing out he was in a public place and he was a gross human being. Jason reminded me that people here can be a little unhinged so I settled on glaring at him and wishing him misfortune. PIG. For the love of Pete, get a nose spray, blow your fucking nose, or (here is a novel idea) stay home. Oh, and this is in the area where people sit and eat…

Anyway, this repulsive excuse for a human being finally leaves the area.  Yay.  

Sitting in the airport is not exactly what I had planned for my day, but no point in fighting it, I make the most of the downtime and get lots done. Until finally, 10 days later – exaggerate much, our flight number is called and we will be boarding… SOON.

In the SA vernacular not now now. But now.

It is only a 90 minute flight and we are really, finally, on our way to Victoria. Wahoo.

The flight time goes very fast, landing without a hitch (always a relief), bags come out in the first batch. REALLY.

AND we have gone back in time and gained an hour. Win, win, winning.

Our first instinct is to order an uber, but when it comes back at $140 CAD (fuck off mate, you’re having a laugh) I realise that Uber may not be that prevalent in Victoria. We ask the Information lady about public transport, but that sounds like an absolute nightmare, so we opt for a taxi. This turns out to be ½ the cost of an Uber and possibly one of the worst drivers we have encountered in a very long time.

The vehicle is devoid of any electronic forms of air conditioning, so we intermittently crack the windows at 70kmh, which creates that bloody awful feeling of your eardrums being walloped 100 times per second.

The driver himself, not an overly chatty person (understatement of the day), either struggles with the theory of a consistent speed or has music in his head that he is tapping his foot to. This makes us both feel a little seasick, on land. It also appears that checking before changing lanes is an optional extra. Luckily, an excruciating 45 minutes later, we are delivered to our hotel in one piece.

Right from our arrival we are in love with Victoria. It is so pretty!

We are staying at Hotel Grand Pacific (Hotel in Victoria BC | Hotel Grand Pacific) which is right by the waterfront.

We escape our torturous taxi and head inside. The lovely bell people take our bags and greet us warmly. The young woman checking us in is called Summer. She is Korean, and an absolute delight.

Summer: Oh, I see you are from New Zealand, welcome.

JKW: Thanks so much, we love it here.

Summer: My parents sent me to New Zealand for a year to learn English.

JKW: Bites tongue, and does not say “why the fuck would they send you there to learn English”

JKW: Actually says – your English is excellent. I hope you enjoyed your time in New Zealand.

Summer: I loved it and I really want to go back.

Due to the delays we Don’t have as much time as we had planned to get to know Victoria and do our usual recognisance. There is still a few hours of light and we decide to spend it wisely, walking the water front and doing something physical. I’ve been sat on my butt for most of the day.

We wander around the harbour and after 30 minutes of walking realise that we really need to stop and support the local tourism industry. So a local pub for a local brew before continuing on. There are so many cute attractions to stop and take photos or post for photos, it has been really well thought out.

If you find yourself in Victoria and want to do a leisurely stroll, with lots of sights, I would recommend following this link and checking out the stops and options (trailpeak.com/trails/Victoria-Harbour-walk-near-Victoria-BC-6846).

At 5km we turn and head back towards town, we’ve been looking for a really good fish restaurant for dinner. The location of Victoria alone means they have access to some of the best seafood and we want to experience ALLLLLLL of it. After some asking and a bit of BINGING (yeah, I know, it still sounds so naff to say that) we decide on the weirdest sounding restaurant name…

Finn’s – Seafood Chops Cocktails. I am not entirely sure where the chops come into it but that was not on our radar. They had a table available outside, and it is the perfect time to be sitting down. The sun is setting and Finn’s overseas the marina. I can confirm the hype. The food was lovely, the service efficient and friendly, and the sunset phenomenal (Finn’s Seafood Restaurant | Downtown Victoria, BC Overlooking the Harbour (finnsvictoria.com)). Check it out.

After a very filling dinner we continue our journey back to the hotel. Walking through wafts of Devil’s Lettuce as we stumble across a Pro Palestinian protest. To BE CLEAR this is not a political blog. Everyone has the right to their own views. I do draw the line at violence for the sake of it and those people should fuck off. This protest appeared peaceful if a little fragrant. However, as we got in the lift to head to our room, some of the locals apologised for the disruption and noise.

I mean how fucking nice are Canadians!

We relax in our lovely room with our beautiful view. It is time to sleep.

Goodnight Victoria. You might not be in the rockies, but you still rock!

24th September – Victoria

The other think I absolutely love about Victoria and, to be fair, a lot of places in Canada, is how welcoming they are to dogs. We see them in stores, hotels, planes, and even some restaurants. It is no big deal, just a dog with a nappy on wandering through reception and getting into the lift.

Your every day occurrence.

I LOVE THIS. Though Harri would absolutely die of fright if we tried to put her onto a plane. Poppy would love this and take it as acceptance of the fact that she is not a dog but, in fact, a human.

We drag our asses out of bed at 700am. How lazy have we gotten! It does not take long until you become lazy huh!

We have plans for today, do a seaplane excursion over Victoria, we really enjoyed the one in Vancouver and thing it would be a lovely thing to do. We purchase tickets to do a 10am flight. Based on the lovely young woman’s recommendations when then head to Frankie’s Diner for breakfast.

Frankie’s is super cool, a traditional diner. With vinyl seats and laminate table tops. Our server wears a bowtie and the menu covers everything you could possibly want. And what Jason wants is eggs benedict and a good coffee.

The food is really good and the service is great. There is also an early bird special which was my favourite, eggs any way you like, with toast, and potatoes – I don’t know why but every breakfast seems to come with potatoes. Also, f you order your breakfast just before 900am (get the early bird special) then at 855am you can order a lovely mimosa, to be delivered from 900am, to wash it down. Nothing like eggs and a juice boost to start your day.

I had Jason convinced and even he imbibed. Finally seeing some real holiday spirit from this man.

This is now Jason’s local! We will be back.

As we leave the diner we notice a thick fog has rolled into town. This is some freaky shit, it silently sneaks along the street hiding everything from you. Amazing! It all just came from nowhere.

We walk back to the “airport” we are not surprised to hear that our scenic flight has been delayed. They are not going to be flying in this stuff.

With more time on our hands we head out for another walk. The fog lifts then runs back in again. Sly shit.

Our newly scheduled take off time arrives and so does our plane. It is looking positive, we all board the plane, Jason gets priority boarding so he finally gets a window seat. Happy man.

All loaded up in the Turbo Otter (for any plane freaks out there – yes, I mean you Allie Jones de Havilland Canada DHC-3 Otter – Wikipedia) we head out into the bay. Due to the location of the “runway” is it still a runway if its on water? Hmmmmmm. It is a really long taxi, even so, it seems like he is going the long way round, and round, and round, and round again. We are going in circles but we are not going up.

Then we are going back, back to the dock/airport and out of the plane. That fucking fog is back and we are grounded.

Well that was a lovely scenic boat ride, in a plane.

It is now 130 in the afternoon and we opt to have our flight rescheduled for tomorrow, the weather has got to be better right.

For now it is lunch time and we really want to try a food truck, of sorts, called Red Fish, Blue Fish (Red Fish Blue Fish (redfish-bluefish.com)). The reviews were good so our hopes were high and the queue was LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG. Being the lovely, patient woman that I am, I grumbled that it better fucking be worth it – what can I tell you, I was hungry.

Turns out all those reviews were accurate and the food was worth the wait, Jason got his much desired halibut and chips, whilst I had some sort of fish jambalaya type thing. The price is good, the food is good, the location is good. Worth the visit if you ask me.

Now that our bellies were full it was time for some serious sightseeing. we wanted to do the Hop On / Hop Off bus, a 90 minute tour around Victoria. The price felt a bit steep at $60 CAD each. The cashier said, its for the full day though, so you can do it several times. It was lost on him that it was 230pm and they stop at 600pm.

We pay, we get on. Going up the top of the bus to get the best views. It is mostly sunny but the wind is brisk. We have packed layers and are prepared for this. In the big scheme of things it is not that cold. Its not Banff or Lake Louise cold.

A really pretty and interesting city. Much more to it than you would think.

Absolutely! Here’s a quick and quirky take on Victoria’s history:

Victoria, BC was a lovely little hangout for the Coast Salish people over 10,000 years ago. Fast forward to 1843, and settlers, general hostility, and the Hudson’s Bay Company set up Fort Victoria, which quickly turned into a gold rush hotspot. By 1862, it was a full-fledged city named after Queen Victoria herself – good on ya Vicky. Today, you can definitely see the English influence, stunning gardens, and historic vibes.

Quirky Facts:

– Victoria is known as the “City of Gardens” with over 1,500 hanging baskets adorning its streets each summer. Shit that’s a lot of watering.

– It’s home to the narrowest street in Canada, Fan Tan Alley, which is just 0.9 meters (3 feet) wide at its narrowest point. Most of the tourists on the bus would struggle.

– The Empress Hotel, a historic landmark, is famous for its afternoon tea, serving over 750,000 cups annually – I would be more impressed if they served that much wine!

Our driver is a character and seems to really enjoy her job, for the records the bus is 45 feet long and 13.8 feet tall. Just in case you are interested.

We drive through busy streets, obviously when we boarded the bus we were in holiday mode and did not consider the fact it was heading into peak hour traffic. Laughable really, its not really that busy. The bus is 10 minutes late!

There is a deer, randomly walking down the street, apparently not an uncommon occurrence.

Real segway here: Takaya, the famous lone wolf of Victoria, BC, in fact I think he was the only wolf, which would make him the lone wolf.

He lived on Discovery Island, near Victoria, for about eight years and was the local celebrity, known for his unique lifestyle and ability to adapt to the island environment. Takaya was first spotted in 2012 after swimming nearly two miles through strong currents to reach the island – he clearly needed the holiday.

This dude was IMPRESSIVE! He developed impressive survival skills, like catching and skinning seals, hunting fish, and even digging for fresh water during droughts – smarter than most humans.

– Takaya was so good at avoiding traps that conservation officers eventually decided to let him stay on the island – I love that.

Sadly, in 2020, some wanker shot him when he left the island. Rumour has it that the wanker in question knew it was Takaya and shot him anyway, for the glory. I know I have said it before, but humans are scumbags. This human in particular, takes out the Scumbag award.

For those of you in the project delivery business, check this out. The oldest graveyard in Victoria, known as the Old Burying Ground or Pioneer Square (established in 1855 and served as the main cemetery until 1873). When the city decided to transform the area into a park in 1908, they moved many of the headstones but left the graves undisturbed. Who would have thought, don’t worry about doing the hard work, just move the labels, job done.

After we hop off the bus, see what I did there, we walk back to Beacon Hill Park, this is close to where we saw the deer wandering the street. Apparently there are lots of deer, peacocks, chipmonkeys, and squirrels. You had me at chipmonkeys.

The advertising did not lie. There were an abundance of chipmunks. I am surprised we made it out before it got dark, I had to photograph and video all of them. We also saw two deer just hanging out and eating. Not fussed by us at all, they are so used to humans and allow me to take great photos.

Next thing on the list is a tour of the harbour, we did a brief harbour tour aboard the sea plane, but we thought one in an actual boat would be nice. I am really exaggerating when I say boat.

We had missed the final proper tour, but the water taxi offered to take us for a cruise and then drop us off wherever we like… for a small fee. It actually was a small fee too.

Turns out our captain is actually called Dan. That is two captain Dan x 2 so far. The water taxis are very cute. Same as they used in Vancouver to go between little stops. Here, they are often referred to as “pickle boats” due to their distinctive shape and bright yellow colour. They are small, agile bath toys designed for quick and scenic trips around the harbour. Apparently, on special occasions, they will do a synchronised ballet on the water. I WISH I had seen that.

Captain Dan takes us for a cruise and then drops us to Fisherman’s Wharf, he feels bad that we have been so much and tells the lovely young woman there that we should be allowed a trip back for free – you fucking Canadians. I LOVE YOU.

Fisherman’s Wharf is famous for the colourful, floating houses, where people actually live. Poor bastards – all the tourists walking past your house looking in the windows EVERY DAY. You can also get fresh fish, a bit of a feed, and, according to one sign, the coldest beer in Victoria.

There are about 33 floating homes occupied by full-time residents. Built on concrete hulls or polyethylene-covered styrofoam billets, making them stable and buoyant. They are hooked up to town water, power, and (thankfully) sewage. Some a super tiny, but others are really quite impressive. Even with the little dog on the front porch. I hope that sucker can swim.

It does not take too long to explore the wharf and when we get back to the water taxi it is still Captain Dan, who brings us back to town.

It has been a really long day of sightseeing and we just cannot be arsed heading out tonight, so we grab some snacks for a picnic in our room, chill out and watch some trashy TV.

What a great day. Tomorrow we catch the ferry to Seattle. It is goodbye to Canada.

We don’t want to leave.

Wednesday 25th September – Victoria

Well the weather has finally caught up with us. We look out from the balcony and is raining and cold. Hopefully this will clear up in time for our seaplane adventure.

For now, its time to hit the gym, we have done nothing but eat and drink, a bit of exercise is most definitely called for.

Speaking of which, once we are exercised and refreshed, we head to Jason’s new local, Frankie’s Diner.

We take the advise from yesterday ordering breakfast at 850am and mimosas at 855am for delivery just after 900am – when alcohol is allowed to be served. James, with a new bowtie today, remembers us seats us at our “usual” table. Jason is chuffed.

After breakfast the weather, stubbornly,  continues to be shite. We zip up our waterproofs and walk around the town killing time until our flight. Except, we get a text message, no go today. Very sorry, they will reimburse us. DAMN, the company (Harbour Air | North America’s Largest Seaplane Airline) was amazing though and they did a full reimbursement within days.

Jason does not want walk around getting unnecessarily wet, so we head back to the hotel and prepare our bags for Seattle. The lovely, competent, and amazing Summer organised a late check out for us. Informing me to join their loyalty program, free of charge, so I won’t be charged for the late check out.

Today we are getting on the FRS Clipper, which will take us from Victoria, BC to Seattle in 2 hours and 45 minutes. How cool is that. The port is just down from the hotel, walking distance, and Jason wants to do some reconnaissance to ensure we are prepped and ready for the operation. I normally scoff at this, as it generally leads to extended times spent at airports, train stations, etc for no benefit. But today, it worked out perfectly. The very helpful staff said we can bring our bags anytime and check them in which will 1. Cut down our boarding time, and 2. Mean it is done and dusted so we can spend our afternoon bag free.

We walk our way back, thank goodness the hotel has umbrellas, grab our suitcases and promptly check them in. Wahooo.  

With midday looming we check out and boom, they cut off our internet access faster than an unpaid drug dealer.

Now, with a hankering for beer, Jason does not mind getting wet and we head out to the local brewery, Whistle Bouy. Jason really liked their beers but we were a bit iffy about the menu and decided we would head back to Frankie’s Diner for a late lunch. Did I mention that Frankie’s has the earliest Happy Hour in Victoria. You can order discount drinks and food items between 200pm and 530pm.

If you are travelling around Canada and want to eat out or have a few drinks on a budget, look up their happy hour menus. You can save a lot of money and if you don’t mind a late lunch or an early dinner it works out really well. Usually items from their standard menu.

Our ferry departs at 530pm, and we need to check in at 430pm. This leaves us with another hour to fill in before we head down there. So we head back to our hotel to maximise their happy hour offerings. This is very fortuitous because I had spotted a lovely handbag in the shop there, so, of course I bought it. Well, that’s not true, I bought two, whilst Jason enjoyed his bourbon.

Talk about successful and perfect timing, we finish up and head to the ferry. Its time to leave this beautiful place, it just does not seem we have had long enough. Hopefully we get to come back.

The check in goes relatively smoothly, especially considering we had to go through American Customs to get on the boat. Finger prints, I struggled to get mine to register – fourth attempt the charm, Jason was the pro though, scanned successfully on the first try. In case you are wondering, American security do not crack a smile. Don’t try it.

On the ferry we have “comfort” seats. More leg room, free snacks, a complementary glass of prosecco (yes Jason drank mine).

Turns out comfort class generally means you are 70yo and can’t move any faster than 1kmh.

There were lots and lots of beautiful rainbows to bid us farewell. Onward, to the good ol’ US of A.

Banff Banff Banff Banff

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BANFF 20th September – 22nd September

We bid a very sad farewell to Lake Louise and start the trek to Banff.

We really don’t know much about this place except that it is a mecca for outdoor sports, especially skiing/snowboarding etc. And that it has a strange name that sounds cool if you keep repeating it.

Try it.

See! Banff Banff Banff

Anyhoo, the weather has cleared and despite my worst fears we are not driving through a snow storm. Don’t get me wrong, I have driven in snow before. I am just well out of practice. So was a little bit nervous, it was all for naught because the weather cleared and it was an easy drive to Banff, after the hours and hours I have spent on the road it is only 40 minutes to Banff (60 km) wahoo! Today is the day to cut me some slack.

Thank you universe, or neurotic planning…

As we drive into Banff we see what everyone has been talking about. Wow, fucking wow. Ummmmmm, wow.

We arrive at 1pm and our room is ready for check in, magic. I park up the chariot and we unload the bags. I have no plans to drive her anywhere during our time in Banff.

We are staying at the Elk + Avenue (Elk + Avenue Hotel Official Page: A Few Steps from Downtown Banff (banffjaspercollection.com)) it is mid range, but as we changed our dates to include Calgary, it was the best option we could get. The location is amazing, right in the centre of town, everything is within walking distance and the staff are incredibly helpful and friendly. We needed to do some laundry and had to use cash, $3 to wash and $3 to dry, I only had $5 so they gave me the extra dollar. How lovely is that, you Canadians are so sweet.

Off we go for a walk around town, brrrrr, the wind coming down off the snow-capped mountains is a little brisk to say the least. There is only one thing for it, and that is to find the local brewery. Jason has some sort of homing beacon that identifies a brewery from 100 yards.

In this instance he discovers the Banff Ave Brewery (Home – Banff Ave Brewing Co | Banff Ave Brewing Co) it is quite nondescript and you could easily walk past it, if you did not have a Jason on hand. According to Jason the beers are amazing, and he had to sample a few to be sure. They also had wine so I was more than happy to indulge him.

The bartender provided great insight into different things we can do around town. Including some hikes where we might see elk and/or bears and a restaurant where we can get a decent steak without having to give up another body part in payment.

Back on the street Jason and I have our beer and wine coats on to keep us warm and we head out for a walk around the river. Jesus wept, there are icicles on my eyeballs. It doesn’t help that I am sick – oh yeah, did I mention that Jason made me sick?

Everywhere you turn there are mountain peaks and stunning views the photos do not do it justice. But its worth a try so I take about a thousand snaps.

Dinner is at Melissa’s Missteak – great name (Melissa’s Missteak 2024 – A locally owned and operated restaurant in downtown Banff (melissasmissteak.com)) the food and service are great, and the view out the window does not disappoint.

Its been a long day, we have washing to do, I feel like shit, so after dinner we retire to our hotel room. Which, for fucks sake, is right next to the lift. Ding, ding, ding, earplugs, the best thing ever. Why can’t people use the fucking stairs. Fat bastards.

21st September – Banff Get Enough

Talk about a chilly start to the morning. -3 that is just plain uncivilised. Luckily we had a bit of a sleep in and gave the world a chance to defrost.

We have plans for today, get the bus to the gondola, head up Sulphur Mountain where we had lunch booked at the Sky Bistro. The plan seemed simple enough. Breakfast, go for a walk and look for bears, catch the bus to the gondola, boom.

In order to do any of the hikes in the national park you have to get a pass. In this case it is a day pass which, at $11 each, is quite reasonable. These have to be purchased at the visitor centre. Whilst there we ask is it really necessary to have bear spray.

There is clearly a party line when it comes to this as it is not noted as necessary but “recommended”. They take you through how to use it and what to do if you run into a bear. Then they tell you the cost of a can of bear spray… $75. You can rent it for $10 from some shops in town. I thought if we did buy it we could always take it home as a souvenier, but you are not allowed to take it on planes either in carry on or checked luggage.

Jason decides we do not need bear spray, it will all be fine. I am on board with this as long as he realises that I will be using him as my bear defence. I would like this noted by you all. IF I do, in fact, get eaten by a bear… he may have had this planned all along.

The first part all went to plan, we shared a lovely breakfast at the hotel, layered up and went for a walk along the Bow River. There is a really cool sculpture trail Art In Nature Trail | Banff & Lake Louise Tourism (banfflakelouise.com) along the walk and some of these are awesome. These beautiful and funny pieces are left out in the wild and, from what we have seen, are not vandalised or stolen. I don’t think that would be the case in Vancouver or Kelowna – though I could be wrong, Judgy Jo!

You have to be at the gondola 15 minutes before your booked timeslot. I guess they really want to spread out the crowd to stop everyone turning up at the same time.

Being the exceptionally organised person that I am, we arrive at the bus stop with 20 minutes to spare before the next bus is due. As is normal with public transport it was late.

Finally the bus comes around the corner, god damn it I love when a plan comes together. Except that it didn’t. The bus slowed just enough so we could read the lips of the driver as she said “sorry, full” and then kept on going. You fucking what?

Normally you could just wait for the next bus, but we have a booked time for the gondola, and we have a booking for the restaurant (who needed my credit card details to secure the booking).

Normally I would just suggest we walk to the gondola but we were warned against that last night, a narrow road with no footpaths and lots of buses – not enough fucking buses if you ask me.

Lets break it down:

1145 Current time

1205 Next bus due (which might be full)

10 minute drive to the gondola

1200 gondola booking

8 minute gondola ride to the top

1230 lunch booking

Well that is not going to work. We make the decision to walk back to town, its only a 15 minute walk, and regroup. I jump on the phone to change our gondola time and explain the situation.

I got through relatively quickly and the young woman said she would change our tickets to the 100pm gondola giving us time to get another bus there.

Next was to contact the restaurant, which just did not happen, no one answered, no one responded to messages, nothing. Ring, ring, and ring again. Nothing. Only option is to go and see them when we get there.

The hotel has a private shuttle to the gondola so we wait around to jump on that, it should get us there with plenty of time to spare. I open our new gondola tickets to find that we have been booked for 130 and our return tickets were for 110pm. For the love of all things sacred.

Back on the phone. Explain we were meant to be on the 100pm and that we are now departing before we are arriving. Quite the feat.

Unfortunately we can no longer get on the 100pm gondola, so they book us on the 130 and update the return ride so we don’t need to perform any sort of time travel.

Restaurant – still no answer.

Rather than risk waiting for a later bus, we opt to turn up early and hope for the best.

The bus leaves on time, and is not full. We arrive at the gondola at 1225pm. I head to the information desk and explain the situation, jump on the next one they say. Bloody legend!

We make it to the top and to the restaurant at 1240 – the server politely asks “hows your day”. I think she regretted that when the response came “its been a complete cluster fuck” and proceeded to give her the rundown of the full bus and trying to change tickets and couldn’t get through, but I was happy I couldn’t get through, because we made it, finally, and we were here, and did we still have a booking, and if we didn’t could we get a new one? Complete verbal vomit. Turns out we did still have a booking, and our table was ready, and the full bus thing happens all the time, even to staff.  

We are seated and then reseated with a better view. Medical emergency, wine and beer please, stat.

The food was really good and the service friendly and informative. The world is set right again. Breathe.

If you are in Banff the Gondola (Banff Gondola Official Page: Amazing Mountain Top Views & Dining (banffjaspercollection.com)) is an absolute must. The views are spectacular and once you are up there, you have different restaurant options, I personally recommend the Sky Bistro (Unforgettable Mountaintop Dining Experiences at Banff Gondola (banffjaspercollection.com)) for the views and the food.

After stuffing our faces we head out to the different viewing platforms. This afternoon we had planned to do the Tunnel Mountain hike, we had bought the day pass, but because our plans had taken a bit of a left turn time was not really on our side. Instead, we opted to walk down Sulphur Mountain, it is only 5.5km and the track is really well constructed.

We see chipmunks, I have lost count of how many, but we did not see any other wildlife, definitely no bears.

As we amble down the mountain I wonder out loud “what is actually in bear spray”? Jason suggests citronella. I fucking hope not! The thought of scaring off a bear with a scented candle does not fill me with confidence. After a lot more speculation we assume it is probably some form of pepper spray. Which seems far more reasonable.

I have since looked it up, and it is definitely not citronella, if you are interested Bear spray – Wikipedia.

The walk is really lovely, and not too busy. There were a few very determined people walking up. Good on ya!

Back in town we visit the Brewery again, it would be rude not to. There is American Football on TV and couple of people watching intently. One of my favourite podcasts, Crime in Sports (HIGHLY recommend Crime in Sports | Wondery | Premium Podcasts) has a lot of episodes that covers players from NFL and I have picked up a wee bit of knowledge.

We started chatting to the American couple who were from Michigan and cheering on Michigan State University. They were NOT expected to win. So we joined the cheer squad and were educated on the finer points of NFL and NCAA FB. Apparently, from now on, we are Michigan supporters (they won BTW). Such a convoluted game, you can have 8 minutes left in the game and it take 30 minutes to play it. Watching the head high tackles its not surprising that most retire with a head full of CTE.

By this stage it was early evening and we decide to get dinner from the food court. I really want some steamed vegetables and, paradoxically, I also want some Popeyes Chicken. This is mainly due to the Adam Sandler movie, Little Nicky, I can report that Popeyes Chicken is nicer than KFC and did not seem as greasy. However, I don’t think I need to have it again.

What a great day, Banff is beautiful and welcoming.

It is time to hit the sack and get some sleep to the sound of the lift, ding, ding, god damn ding.

22nd September – Bye bye Banff and hello Calgary

Today is our last day in Banff, we are in no rush to leave, we have some life admin to attend to before we go for our last walk.

This morning, we are going on a bear hunt! The idea is to walk along the Bow River and towards the golf course where there are regular sitings of elk and bears. I would like to point out that we still do not have any bear spray.

As we walk along, scanning the track and the trees for anything deer or bear related I SEE IT.

I grab Jason, look, what’s that? It is a large, black, hairy shape. Really, have we finally found a bear.

Well, no we have not found a bear, I had found a large black dog. I am suffering from the “logadile” syndrome, I am so fixated on seeing a bear, that is all I can see. But now I have the song Bear Necessities stuck in my head and it stays there for the whole walk.

We were expecting a path to walk along but it does not seem to exist.  Mostly we are walking along the side of the road and looking into the forest for any signs of life.

Quite disappointing as we had hoped to see more. Though I do find some adorable and chatty chipmunks and a very industrial woodpecker. That was pretty cool. We turn around and head back to town, there was no further to go and chances of seeing any more critters were low.

I NEED TO SEE BEARS.

Back in town we have a fabulous lunch at Block Kitchen + Bar (The Block Restaurant Banff (banffblock.com)) the food is fanfreakingtastic. Highly recommend.

And that was it, our last day in Banff, we need to load up the wagon and head to Calgary where we are having dinner with a very special young woman.

I recommend Banff to anyone, whether you like food and wine/beer, sighseeing, outdoors, or people watching, there is something for everyone and we loved it. We definitely want to go back.

22nd September – Calgary meh

Everyone told us the only reason to go to Calgary was to leave. You go there because that’s where the airport is. There is not a lot to do or see, especially if you have spent the last 10days in places such as Revelstoke, Banff, Lake Louise.

Regardless we had a special mission and that was to see the lovely Khali. Khali is the daughter of our friend Belinda, and has been living in Calgary for the last 5 months. As we were all the way over here, it would be wrong not to spend some time with her. Especially as she is winding up her time in Canada.

Driving to Calgary is much of the same except that you can really see the increase in traffic, the closer we get the more congested the roads. Welcome to a city. We hadn’t seen one in a while.

Its about 130km to Calgary, so around 90 minutes. My last long drive. We are staying in the centre of Calgary which, on review, was not really necessary as we were not going to do anything in Calgary other than go to dinner with Khali.

The drive was going very well until we got into the centre of town and all of a sudden it was not. Turns out that the address for the hotel is not where you drive in. This lead to the most stressful driving situation I had encountered since we set out. The GPS was having a fucking conniption and didn’t know where we were or where we were going. The map spinning like a top trying to find its bearings.

I had to pull over and try and work it out based on where we were currently parked and where we wanted to get to. There is a lot of construction with streets closed and There is a lot of construction with streets closed and one-way systems, all leading to a rise in my blood pressure and a rise in the likelihood I was going to run someone over. Which nearly happened as two people crossed against the lights and I was focused on the map.

Thank <insert your favourite deity here> my copilot pointed out the human targets and I slammed on the brakes. They were completely oblivious. After, what felt like a lifetime and was only about 10 minutes, we make it to the hotel. I handover the keys and step away! We made it.

This hotel is lovely, the room is huge and comfortable. Everything is very new and there is plenty of space to repack our suitcases. Tomorrow we fly.

We are meeting Khali at 530pm at the restaurant where she works, The Chairman. The plan is for cocktails first and then a big steak dinner.

We get dressed up, there is a dress code for this restaurant which makes me feel warm on the inside, order an uber and head over there.

We see Khali and she is looking amazing. Clearly the life of travel and working ridiculous hours agrees with her.

The bonus of having dinner with Khali at her place of work is you get the inside scoop on what is good and the staff are super lovely. I am sure they are super lovely anyway, but especially so.

After enjoying a couple of cocktails we go through to the main restaurant. This place is amazing. AND they play lots of Frank Sinatra (yeah, I know, its kind of in the name right) which is another thing that fills me with joy.

We open the menu and it is so easy to read. Check this out, the menus are backlit! So old people, like myself, can easily read the detail. I love this place. What a great idea.

On top of that, the food is FUCKING AMAZING. I have fois gras and it is divine. Jason goes for the steak tartare, and Khali orders the bone marrow. We swap and share and agree they are all pretty amazing.

The server brings out a massive platter of steak for us to choose from. Talking through the cuts etc. Jason takes this as a challenge and names each cut correctly. Well done.

We settle on Canada Prime, bone in, smoked ribeye, and a whole selection of sides, which feels excessive but they all sound so good.  

When the food comes out I feel like we need a bigger table, I definitely need a bigger stomach!

Everything is delicious, I cannot emphasise enough just how good this food was. The steak was so tender and well cooked, the sauces perfect, and the sides beat all expectations. Without a doubt, one of the best meals we have had this journey.

Thanks Khali for the suggestion and thanks to the team at The Chairmans for making it such a memorable night.

If we are in the area again we will be back.

Chairman’s Steakhouse (chairmans.ca) GO THERE. You will not regret it.

After eating to the point of gluttony we roll out of the restaurant and into an Uber to head back to our hotel. Where we sleep a big and deep sleep, in a very comfortable bed.

Tomorrow we fly to Victoria. We say goodbye to our silver bullet and begin the final part of our Canadian journey. I can’t believe how fast this trip is going.

Lake Louise, You Sexy Bitch

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Lake Louise 19th September

Getting ready to leave Revelstoke and super excited to be heading to Lake Louise, the advertising and photographs are stunning and I am hopeful that it will be just as amazing in real life.

We have a quick breakfast, pack up the silver bullet, and hit the road.

It is 2 hours 30 to Lake Louise, approximately 230km. I am behind the wheel and kick the ponies into action. There is a little town called Golden, our tour guide from Whistler recommended it as a stop, and is home to Canada’s highest suspension bridge, 426 feet!

Gold is just past the midway point and Jason had offered to drive from there. Reluctantly but the offer was appreciated. We approached Golden and missed the turn off, no problem, surely there will be another one. Either we missed that one too, or there was only one turnoff. Either way we sailed past Golden and the suspension bridge. Meh, shit happens.

Looking back I am so pleased that we did not make it to Golden as that would have eaten into our time at Lake Louise and HMFSB, you want to spend as much time there as humanly possible.

There was a lot more road construction as we got closer to Lake Louise, but we still averaged between 120kmh and 140kmh – I LOVE THIS.

But suddenly, it is going to take us an extra hour to get there, how the fuck did that happen, I did not take the wrong turn off, I did not turn us around and point us in the wrong direction. Oh, hold the phone, the time to arrival has not changed, only the arrival time. We have just gone through a time zone, not a time warp (try to get Tim Curry out of your mind now, let’s do the time warp again….).

We have zipped forward an hour god damn it.

Finally we arrive at Lake Louise, not quite at the Fairmont Chateau (Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise – Luxury Hotel in Lake Louise(Canada)), this is where we are staying and appears to be the only place you can on the Lake. And there is a definite cost involved, there is a reason we are only staying one night. I have two kidneys and can only afford to sell off one.

A little about the lake itself, Lake Louise is a hamlet within Banff National Park, Alberta. Named after Princess Louise, Duchess of Argyll. She must have been quite a hotty to have this lake named after her, just saying. Lake Louise sits at an elevation of 1,600 m (5,200 ft), making it Canada’s highest community – weeeeeeeeeeell. Define high, from what we have seen Kelowna was the highest community we have come into contact with so far…

There are several snow-capped mountains, including Mount Temple, Mount Whyte, and Mount Niblock that hover above Lake Louise and no doubt add to the subarctic climate and annual snowfall average of 279cm!!!!

Winter temperatures can fall below −50 °C in January and February FUCK NO! Apparently even the summers consist of frosty mornings and crisp, cool days. Snow can occur in any month of the year (yep) the frost-free period averages only 14 days.

From the offset you can see why this place is 5 stars. We arrive at a gate where a young man, dressed in their standard uniform (think Swiss mountains and Sound of Music) greets us. You are not even allowed to drive in there unless you have a reservation.

Oh yes, hello Mr and Mrs Walford (sigh, it was easier for the travel agent to book this under Jason’s name – caused a few issues) we can see you are staying for one night. Would you like to self-park or valet. No valet baby let’s keep the eye watering cost to a minimum where logical.

We are directed to drive to the front of the hotel and the bell people (bell boys, so last century) took our bags away, gave me directions to park the car. Despite the cost this place is fully booked, people are actually having conference here! You cannot tell from the service though, there is no one rushed, or stressed, or too busy to help you.

We are checked in by our Aussie man, Kye, from NSW. He gives us the low down on what we can do and takes all our details. We will receive messages when our room is ready, and he provides all the details we need to go for a hike.

We gear up and buy some lunch. Because we are staying at the chateau we get a discount on food – thank fuck because $18 for a muffin with hard to recognise egg and bacon seemed a little rich.

Full price is for the day visitors! And there are thousands of those. We are feeling very fancy with our cards that allow us onto the premises and into the facilities, like TOILETS and the Bar.

We consumed our reconstituted food, and it was time really test my leg. There are several tracks we can do but, of course, we opt to go hard! Why, oh why do I do this shit to myself. Plain of Six is a 4 hour round trip consisting of 7km and a gain of 335 metres in altitude.

The track starts off easily enough stretching its way around the lake providing lots of stunning vantage points for selfies. 2km in we start to climb, it does not feel too bad, a steady incline, with lots of roots and stones keeping me highly focused.

Just as we set out Jason comes to a screeching halt. That’s a bugle he declares. I assumed he had heard a bird that was called a bugle, but no. A bugle is the Elk equivalent of a roar. It is mating season, and the big boys are out looking for a willing girl. It also makes them a bit aggressive, so pays to be aware and keep out of their way. Jason is thrilled, apparently this is a big deal.

As we are hiking I am receiving regular updates from the Chateau, our room is ready, is there anything else we would like. Yes, I would like to book dinner for tonight, boom it is done. I would like to book the tour to see the sunrise at Lake Moraine tomorrow morning, boom it is done. I LOVE THIS PLACE. Their extreme level of organisation makes me feel happy.

During this hike there are times when I am outright chastising myself, why, oh why did I think this was a sane thing to do. I know how unfit I am and how average my leg is. Yet I suggest that we do the longest walk and do all the things. Inside my head there is a fair bit of berating going on. Up, up, trudge, trudge, grump, grump.

CHIPMUNK! Well, that changes everything. As we head along the track we see a few little chipmunks. Granted there are a couple who have figured out that humans bring trail mix, and those suckers are not so little anymore. They also pose for photos and clearly have learnt behaviour. Works for me, I get lots of photos and videos to show all the granddaughters.

There was a very nice older Japanese gentleman next to me. Asking what they were.

NOJG: They squirrels.

JKW: No, they are chipmunks.

NOJG: Oh. Chip Monkeys.

JKW: Kind of, chipmunks.

NOJG: I have learnt a new word today, chipmonkey.

JKW: Me too. Me too. Chipmonkey it is.

We say goodbye to the chipmonkeys and continue our up, up, up.

There are a few more rushing across the track. Lots of dogs out for a walk too, living their best lives.

As we hike we can see the leftover snow from last season, on the highest peaks, just holding on to the ridges. The breeze coming down off the snow is enough to chill your hands and we need to put our fleeces on, but not so cold that we need long pants or beanies.

We are getting a few comments “you’re making me feel cold” or “aren’t you cold”. Always met with the same reply “just another New Zealand summer’s day”.

There was one young woman coming down the track in knee high boots and a tailored skirt, which made me look over prepared. A couple of young men in their loafers. Not judging, but fuck, asking to slip or fall, I cannot imagine they have any grip. Some of the track is on sheer cliff, granted it’s not hundreds of meters, but enough to do some serious damage on the rocks if you slip – a scenario that was running through my head quite regularly).

After 1h and 45minutes we make it to the “Tea House” a little wooden chalet with no electricity where you can order any of the 3 items on the menu, which sounded amazing BTW, have a hot drink, and recoup before heading down. We had not long ago ingested our pretend egg and bacon so just went in for a nosey. And it is so cute! The staff hike up and stay for four days, then head back down again.

Dedication.

There is a further 1.4km walk that will take you to the view of the glacier but, due to time constraints and the possibility of losing sunlight, we opted to start our trek down which was, of course, much easier and faster. Meaning we made it back, even with time spent watching the chipmonkeys and taking more photos. The views are magnificent and because I was no longer having an internal tantrum it was much more enjoyable.

A quick stop on a ledge for afternoon tea of chocolate and mandarins. Life is pretty good.

We arrive back at the chateau and decide the best way to warm up with a couple of beverages by the outdoor fire, which is not lit, but the alcohol helps. There are a couple of native birds who have taken a leaf out of the chipmonkey’s book and have sidled up to the tourists for some easy to come by snacks. I had a leftover muesli bar in my bag so coaxed one of them over.

Cheeky bastard, took one peck, glared at me, spat it out and flew back to the other table where they had nuts and cranberries. Fussy!

We watched the lake and the surrounding mountains until it was just too cold and decided to head up to our room which we had not seen yet. I was skeptical that we would actually get a decent view from our room, but boy oh boy I was wrong. We could see the lake and the mountains. How good is our life!

Jason’s back had been giving him such a hard time and he was in a world of hurt. When we saw the massive bathtub, it was time for a boiling hot bubble bath. Too funny, he had a wonderful time wallowing around and it, the heat and the beer he consumed soaking definitely helped his back.

This hotel is MASSIVE. No matter how many times we come and go and think we have figured it out, we get lost every, single, fucking time. I tell you, if The Shining had occurred in this hotel Jack Nicolson would NEVER have found Danny and Wendy. The famous line would not be “here’s Johnny” but “where’s Johnny”. Seriously, some of the hallways really reminded me of that movie.

It is truly luxurious though, stained glass windows, sculptures, oodles of staff who can’t do enough to help you and make sure your stay is as wonderful as possible. We DO NOT want to leave.

After perusing the menus we chose the Fairview restaurant, mainly because of the view! Yeah, it’s like picking a bottle of wine because of the label. The restaurant looks out at the lake and the mountains, and we choose to sit outside. There are heaters and blankets and wine, we will be plenty warm enough.

The view does not disappoint and even as the light is disappearing you just get a different perspective.

 Our meal was outstanding, the service impeccable, and for the first time our server is from Canada Such a novelty. He is delightful and chats a lot.

Suddenly the view does change, clouds move in very quickly, not just fluffy clouds, but rainy clouds. They hit and they hit hard!!! No wonder people die in the mountains when the weather changes, this just happened over a matter of minutes, the temperature dropped, gusts of wind, and torrential rain.

Still, they lower the blinds so the water cannot get in, but we can still see out, pull the blankets tighter over my knees and turn up the heater. No point in moaning about it, we continue to enjoy our dinner and drinks before retiring to our beautiful room and another amazing night’s sleep.

I have signed us up for a sunrise tour tomorrow – yeah, I know. Dumbass!

20th September Lake Louise and Lake Moraine

Bloody hell that sleep was AMAZEBALLS! The beds are next level, and you have so many pillows to choose from, you cannot help but sleep like the dead. The happy dead though, not the miserable dead or the undead.

We drag ourselves out of bed and onto the bus. The lovely young man who is driving the bus is wearing his uniform, I hope he has thermals under this because it is cold, and he is not wearing a coat. Stop it mum, I don’t need a coat!

For fucks sake, Jason has made me sick now. Sore throat, headache, grumble.

It is a 25 minute drive to Lake Moraine (The Rockpile Trail Hike Moraine Lake, Banff National Park (morainelakeshuttle.ca)), but it seems that only tour buses are allowed to drive there. Probably a good thing as the road is pretty busy and not that wide. By the time we arrive the rain is back, and we just have to zip up, suck, up and get out there.

I am so glad I opted to swap out my usual running skirt for a pair of long tights, my legs are still cold – but I still have feeling in them. The rest of me is toasty warm.

In the dark we walk our way up the “Rock Pile”. The Rock Pile hike is stated as the number one thing to do, TBH it is not actually a hike. It is a stroll, and some stairs, and takes about 10 minutes, tops. Walking up steps to get a view of the lake and the Valley of the 10 Peaks. The idea this morning is to find a position and watch the sunrise. But, it’s raining people, so the chances of seeing the sunrise are pretty fucking slim. Nevertheless, we hike up, we stand, under a tree, and we wait with everyone else (even though it is raining it is packed).

It becomes pretty clear that the sunrise is happening elsewhere and we want to spend our time exploring. We only have 1.5 hours here so let’s not waste it on a fool’s mission. We “hike” back down the rock pile and decide to walk around the edge of the lake.

It is very similar to Lake Louise in the colour, the lake itself is much smaller but the mountains that loom over it are impressive. If we had more time, I would have loved to have done some of the bigger and more challenging hikes around here (Valley of the Ten Peaks – Wikipedia).

We spend the rest of the time walking around the lake, absolutely awestruck by just how beautiful this place is. I am running out of adjectives to really do it justice. Suffice to say its fucking stunning and I highly recommend you call by if you are in the area.

Time is ticking, its really, really, really cold (snowing off and on) so we head back to the bus. As we walk towards the Rock Pile I see this large white shape. I figured someone had bought a large white blanket to keep them warm as they wait for the sunrise that will never arrive.

But NO. As we get closer, I realise it is a bride and groom, standing halfway down the rockpile with the lake and mountains in the background. And the bride is wearing her wedding dress. Sleeveless! Smiling. Photographer giving instructions. I am extremely impressed, this woman has stamina, I am not sure I would go to such lengths to get these photos, but she was an absolute legend!

I realise what an absolute sook I have been complaining about my cold legs and this chick is out on the rocks, in her wedding dress. I bow down to you good lady, I bow down.

Photos are below, just in case you think I am making shit up to sound cool.

We are on the bus and heading to Lake Louise, our checkout time is 1200pm, which I think is pretty bloody awesome, it gives us more time to explore and not have to stress about checking out. Well done Fairmont, well done.

With hours left before we have to depart, we have a wonderful, filling, and extremely expensive, breakfast and decide to do one last hike before we leave. The weather is not great, thank the lord for yesterday, and we head to the lookout. It is, yet again, one of those occasions where I am thinking WTAF, why is this so hard. Every step is miserable, and I think about leaving Jason to it.

Granted, he has infected me with the dreaded lurgy, but it all just feels much harder than it should. I grumble, internally, tell Jason I will meet him at the top, and eventually make it.

As we hike our way there it starts to snow. It’s pretty damn special, I have to say, the whole landscape goes silent, yes, even the Aussies and Americans go quiet, whilst the flakes fall, and the forest feels magical.

We reach the lookout and take some photos, with the snow falling it looks spectacular… in the back of my mind I am thinking “I don’t want to drive in the fucking snow”!

Checkout, load up our silver chariot, bid farewell to Fairmont Chateau and wish we were staying longer. We are heading to Banff, which we have been told is amazeballs. It’s got big shoes to fill as Lake Louise has stolen my heart, and one kidney so we could afford to stay there.

If you can stay there, do it, you will not regret it. Its spectacular, special, and heartwarming.

ONWARD. To BANFF.

Stoked to be in Revelstoke – 18th September

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Revelstoke 18th September 2024

As you know we had left Kelowna, a beautiful town with issues. Well, I guess, aren’t they all? I mean, I would NEVER recommend anyone to go and visit my hometown (sorry Upper Hutt, but you know it).

At least Kelowna is beautiful! It is just not a place where I felt safe.

Captain Dan told us that, yes, Kelowna is beautiful, but it is nothing compared to what we were going to see as we continued our journey East into the Rocky Mountains the easternmost portion of the expansive North American Cordillera, which is the eastern part of the Pacific Ring of Fire (yeah baby, we are connected by fire, and fucking earthquakes).

I thought he was making shit up to sound cool, but man, Captain Dan knew what he was talking about. We were just about drive through the Rockies – HMFSB (Holy Mother Fucking Shit Balls)!

At one point we saw a bunch of people pulled over on the side of the road at something called The Spiral Tunnels, we had no idea what this actually was, but decided to pull over and have a look. Last time we did one of these impromptu “lets go and have a look” we walked 5km to a desolate beach in Iceland, to see a crashed plane (where NO ONE DIED), and there really wasn’t anything of any interest, so we had to turn around and walk back again, whilst sand and misery was blowing around us – JOY.

So, it could have gone badly.

Instead, we got to see the Rocky Mountaineer traversing the Spiral Tunnels. For those of you from good ol’ NZ we have the Raurimu Spiral. The Raurimu Spiral is a single-track spiral, overcoming a 139-metre (456 ft) height difference, in the central North Island between Wellington and Auckland.

The Spiral Tunnel is part of the Rocky Mountaineer train journey, specifically on the “First Passage to the West” route between Vancouver and Banff. These tunnels are designed to help trains navigate the steep grades of the Kicking Horse Pass in British Columbia, just to put our little NZ “climb” to shame, The Spiral Tunnels help the train climb approximately 560 feet (170 meters) in elevation. Wowser!

We saw the train zig zag between tunnels on its way up the pass, it was pretty impressive to watch and way better than a decaying plane in the middle of fucking nowhere.

After this we jump back into our trusty steed and keep heading to Revelstoke, we are pretty close now.

We arrive in the beautiful town of Revelstoke at around midday. Park up at our hotel, The Regent (The Regent Hotel | Revelstoke Hotels in British Columbia), and we are informed we can check in at around 315pm. Um, seriously, you are that busy? I doubt it but we smile nicely and decide to go and explore the town and find the visitors centre.

Walking around the town is lovely and for the first time since landing in Canada we are not inundated with the constant smell of giggle smoke. In fact, we did not see any of the issues we ran into in Vancouver and Kelowna. I guess this place is just too small. Or, just small enough.

Revelstoke, founded in the 1880s during the construction of the Canadian Pacific Railway, has around 8,000 residents. The downtown has beautifully preserved Victorian architecture, which is starkly contrasted with the cowboy boots and VERY large trucks favoured by the locals. It is a mecca for outdoor enthusiasts, with activities like hiking, mountain biking, and kayaking in the summer, and world-class skiing in the winter, we figured, we should give it a go.

Oh look, another gondola! We drive to the gondola which, due to road works, was not as easy as you would think, but we made it eventually. Tickets are purchased, map is folded and secured, off we go.

As we enter the gondola, so does a fucking wasp. You have GOT to be kidding me! At first, we tried to shoo it out before the doors closed, but this MF really wanted to stay and catch a free ride. DUDE, you have wings! Anyway, once the doors closed the game changed. It was no longer, lets help you leave the gondola unharmed, instead, it was survival of the fittest.

The next 5 minutes was, what must have been hilarious to watch for anyone in any other gondola cabin, swatting, swishing, squishing and dodging. For one bloody wasp. However, my protector prevailed, the wasp was dispatched, and then disposed. We escaped unhurt (by we, I obviously do not mean the wasp, that sucker was flat as a flat thing).

The rest of the gondola ride was uneventful but beautiful. You climb up to 5,500 feet, you’ll see the Columbia River winding through the valley below, with the Monashee and Selkirk mountains on either side.

Once you reach the top, there are viewing decks of the glaciated plateaus and rugged peaks, with wildflower meadows and lush forests. There are a few walks you can do up here, but mainly it is mountain bikers trying to kill themselves on the way down the mountain.

There is also something called “The Pipe Mountain Coaster” quite different from the meth pipe we were seeing in Vancouver and Kelowna. I thought it looked so much fun, but it was a NO from Jason.

We did a short walk and for a brief, VERY brief moment, considered walking down from the top. Until we realised that would be suicide. Instead, after eating our packed lunch (how sensible are we) we jumped on the gondola down to the next stop and walked from there.

It is a beautiful sunny day, so incredibly quiet, and the walk only crosses the mountain bike trail once. They have actually done really well to ensure these things remain as compartmentalised as possible i.e. Jo does not get taken out by a mountain biker. So we enjoyed our stroll to the bottom, by the time we were done, around 1.5 hours later, it was time to check in. Finally.

The Regent Hotel is touted as Revelstoke’s most elegant hotel. It is a family owned and run, historical landmark having been around since 1914. Which probably explains some of the amenities. The room is small and there is no fridge. But you can get a bucket of ice from the ice machine. Well, actually you can’t, because the ice machine is unplugged and not working. But you can walk to the front desk, and they will give you ice. Not quite, they will direct you through to the bar where they will DEFINITELY give you ice. Then you can chill your drinks or try and keep any fridge bound snacks cold.

You have to laugh.

The air conditioner is one of the old box ones that you usually see hanging out a window. I have heard that these things are horrendously noisy, luckily we didn’t have that problem, because the air conditioner did not work.

We have everything settled in our room, but the day is young, and the weather is nice so time for another walk, this time we are going around the greenbelt walk. It takes you around the beautiful Columbia River, the colour and vastness of this river is breathtaking, and if you watch the flow you realise there is a LOT of power under that pristine water, best we don’t fall in. You would likely drown if hyperthermia does not get you first.

The walk is lovely though and we stop to take lots of photos, OK I STOP to talk lots of photos and Jason puts up with it as best he can. Today he is in good spirits so he even smiles.

The walk winds past the river and a beautiful logging plant. Not quite the natural wonder you are hoping for.

We cross a bridge and head into a more wooded part of the area where we promptly get lost. Google maps is NOT helpful, as this is a flood plain area it simply shows that we are walking on water. Yes, yes, I can walk on water. Just to be clear.

As we stood around viewing the maps and trying to figure out where to go from here, we realise we are a mosquito smorgasbord, and these pterodactyls have not eaten in a long time. Phone off, we will wing it, time to move and get away from these bloody thirsty fuckers.

HUH! Nice thought, not only were they huge and hungry. They were not going to leave us alone, literally chasing us through the forest taking bites as we went. Jason and I checking each other for any possible mosquito shaped leeches, and there were plenty. Even though our legs were exhausted we really upped the speed for the next 1.5km flicking our arms and legs as we went to try and ward off our attackers. It must have looked hilarious to anyone passing by, but we didn’t see any other idiots walking this way, well, because no one else was this dumb! Yeah, you’re not surprised and neither am I.

Finally, we pop out at another bridge and, much like the characters of Jumanji, we could hear the wildlife yelling at us as we escaped their grasp and made it back to civilisation. It was another 2km until we made it to the hotel. We were so tired, thirsty, and traumatised there was only one thing to do… head to the pub and have a couple of hydrating beverages.  In my case that was a couple of mojitos and a couple of beers for Jason.

Probably not the smartest thing as that set the tone for the rest of the evening!

We refreshed our appearance, which was more than fucking necessary, opted for tacos for dinner.

The Taco Club was our venue of choice, the menu looked good, and we were hoping to have at least some salad in our lives. Isn’t if funny when you are travelling you over indulge in food and drinks you don’t have at home, but after a while you just want a fucking piece of broccoli, not fried, not seared, not with any sort of fancy sauce or seasoning, just steamed, somewhat crispy (yeah al dente or whateverthefuck) broccoli – like that will redeem your liver and put you on the path to righteousness.

Squirrel! Digression strikes again!

As mentioned, we turned up at the Taco Club (The Taco Club Revelstoke) which could also be called the Australian Club. Just about every person who worked there was from Australia. Our server was a lovely young woman from Ferney Hills, a 20-minute drive from us in Brisbane. She had been there for several months and was kind enough to write down some things we should definitely do whilst we are here.

With the number of mojitos and margaritas from dinner on board, we head back to our hotel room, after a 2km detour to send postcards. SIGH. The sleep of the dead, or boozed – same same, takes over.

Revelstoke you were great fun and despite staying in a time capsule we really enjoyed ourselves. Captain Dan was not wrong; this place just gets more and more beautiful. Tomorrow, we go to Lake Louise, and I CANNOT be more excited.

Kelowna 16th – 18th September

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16th September 2024 – Kelowna (kel oh na)

Leaving Vancouver, in the last two days no additional squirrels, 0 staffies, and no bears! Hopefully we will have more success in Kelowna, our next destination.

We were meant to be heading to Jasper and Clearwater for the next three days but due to the fires we had to do some last-minute rearranging.

Not as well-known as Jasper, Kelowna is located in the heart of British Columbia’s wine region (now that’s a shame) in the Okanagan Valley. The Okanagan Lake is the main attraction for boaters, swimmers, and kiteboarders. We had none of that mind, but we were hoping for some more hikes and nature activities.

Kelowna is a 4-hour drive, around 400km, from Vancouver. Really time to stretch my wheels.

Due to the tight timeframe to get our car we didn’t manage any breakfast. Those who know him, know that my man does not cope well without food. The hangry is released and that is not good for anyone.

We assumed that there would be a roadside area with food options somewhere along the journey and we would stop to get sustenance and petrol. Of course the car came with no petrol in it.

Leaving Vancouver was a bit odd; it was like we were going for a Sunday drive, it took at least 30 minutes until we were on anything that even resembled a main road. But that is ok, it gave me a lot of time to practice my left-hand driving.  

Once we hit the open roads a few things become apparent:

  1. The speed limit is more of a suggestion, or a very loose guideline. If it states 90km then 120km is the expected speed you will be driving. Otherwise you will be over taken by everyone, including large trucks and police vehicles. This is my kind of driving.
  2. There are no rest stops like you see in America, you have to leave the motorway and go into a town to get refreshments.

As we hurtled along, we figure we will have to take the plunge and see the signs for petrol, café, and market. Wahoo, that is what we need fuel and food. I smoothly take the exit, yeah baby I have the hang of this driving on the wrong side of the road business, and we pull into the Local Harvest Market (The Local Harvest Market).

The café was not a place you could get food but where Jason could get a coffee. There was a little market shop with fresh fruit and vegetables, freshly baked bread, and locally made cheese.

It was super cute and the bakery looked amazing. So I embraced my inner cheese monster and bought a wheel of brie and a loaf of bread. For $36.90.

Now, when I say a wheel of cheese, I am talking 200 grams of cheese. And a small loaf of bread. OUCH. To be fair it is some of the best sourdough bread I have had in a long time, but $9.00 took my breath away, until I realised the wheel of cheese cost $27.90.

Oh well the setting was lovely, the helpful barrister let us use her VERY large carving knife (politely requesting we don’t use it to kill anyone – deal), and we sliced up the cheese for freshly made sandwich.

I did enjoy it, and if you are passing by Chilliwack, BC, pop in, try the bread and cheese. Make sure you take enough money.

We fueled up the beast and got back on the road, now the only rumbling was the sound of the road and not our stomachs.

At first, I thought I would be a well-behaved person, drive to the speed limit and obey the law. I very quickly realised I would be the only person taking this approach. Embracing the need for speed we were rocketing along in our teeny Corolla at 140kmh the speed limit, in the fastest areas, was 120kmh. There were still some trucks over taking me.

It is always worth noting that Google maps does not expect you to obey the speed limit either, all time estimations are based on the fact you are going to be speeding your arse off.

Canada, I love your roads and your relaxed approach to the speed limits. There is an exception, when driving past any road construction where people are working, EVERYONE does the right thing and slows down. Awww, you Canadians are so NICE.

With the number of animals in Canada, the vast stretches of road, and the speed of which they are travelled we did not see ANY roadkill, not one, nothing, zip, nada, zero. So, um, Canada what are you doing with these dead and wounded creatures, is it worth investigating? Is there some sort of animal recycling going on? Or can we assume they are very road wise.

If you are in the area and eating a pie or stew. Worth considering… where did this come from.

ANYHOOOO

We cruise into Kelowna and this place is STUNNING. As we drive down into the Okanagan Lake area it looks so much like Queenstown with vast mountain ranges surrounding the small town. Over the bridge and into the beautiful streets with boutique shops and in the distance, you can see vineyards and mansions hovering over the lake.

Our hotel is in the centre of town and very easy to get to (Royal Anne Hotel | Downtown Kelowna | Okanagan, BC) so we park up and move our luggage in. The hotel room is a decent size, and we have a reasonable view where we can see part of the lake and Knox Mountain, also a very dodgy ally way where the homeless and meth ridden can be easily found. So… you win some you lose some.

Exploring Kelowna is quite an eye opener, we thought that Vancouver had a drug use and homeless issue but it is nothing compared to Kelowna. Every corner there is someone sleeping, or digging up leaves, bent over and swaying, or randomly shouting at the sky. Really sad and unfortunate, according to a local there are a few reasons it is so bad here, the fact that Vancouver bused over 100s of homeless when they hosted the Olympics, the weather is really nice during summer so easy to live, and the new laws related to drug availability. Yikes.

It gets super cold here in the winter, so many go back to Vancouver during this time.

Time to get some lunch, we decided to utilise our gold-plated purchases from this morning and make some sandwiches, so we head to the local supermarket. Interestingly we could locate two supermarkets but many more cannabis stores, goes to show priorities and supply/demand.

Time to explore the lakeside, the walk is really nice and, with the weather being warm and fine, there are lots of people out and about. We even see a deer in the middle of some office buildings, just eating, hanging out, and not phased by people and vehicles passing by. Jason gets very excited.

I do the weird dog lady stalker thing asking strangers if I can pat their dogs. 0 staffies and 1 million golden retrievers are seen.

Constantly the smell of devil’s lettuce hangs in the air, it is quite funny, not because I am high, I think? Coming from an environment where this is hidden and people try to pocket the smokes, to see a couple of young guys with a massive bong made out of a 2 litre coke bottle, just sitting on the back of a Ute tray is quite surreal. Ah well, each to their own and if you’re in the mood you could stick around and get a secondary high at no cost. Travellers tip right there – you’re welcome!

 The lake is so beautiful we really wanted to do a lake cruise, hopefully a sunset one, but we are now out of the busy season so it’s really tough to find operators still running later in the day. We did stumble across a guy who rented out boats, and you can book them for an hour or two and he will captain it for you.

Very nice young man, how fucking old do I sound, he owns Ogopogo E-Boats and I would highly recommend if you find yourself in Kelowna with time to spare (Ogopogo E-Boat | Okanagan Lake Adventures The Way Nature Intended (ogopogoeboat.com)) there are lots of options. I did not get his name, so he is now referred to as Captain Dan.

Captain Dan ferried us around the lake, and we had a fabulous time, he was super knowledgeable and talked us through the devastating fires that hit the region of Okanagan last year. You could still see the burnt remains of houses and forestry. How terrifying, a state of emergency was declared in Kelowna and West Kelowna, with thousands of residents forced to evacuate. The fires resulted in the destruction of up to 200 buildings and caused over $720 million in insured damages.

This year they were spared, and it was Jasper’s turn. Ironically this meant a boom for Kelowna as many people who would normally be in Jasper came to Kelowna instead, including us. Circle of life?

We disembark and head to the local rib place in Kelowna for an amazing feed before hitting the sack and one of us passes out within minutes of lying down. No prizes for guessing who.

17th September 2024 – Kelowna Continues

Not a great night’s sleep as Jason was practicing his throat singing again. At least I could give him a wallop now as we are downgraded to share a bed in this hotel. It does not help that he is sick so that ramps up the volume.

However, the day is stunning and sick or not, we are going to do things. We decided our first thing would be to hike up Knox Mountain – Knox your Socks off so they say.

The first 2kms are pretty easy as its along the water to the bottom of the mountain then the climb begins, and it is tough. It is warm and I have lost so much strength and stamina since the injury. I was never great at inclines, but I wasn’t this fucking bad. So that puts me in a delightful mood. Luckily, I kept my grumps and moans to myself – I know, that’s a shock. But I mentioned to Jason what a shitbag I was, and he said he didn’t notice. Either I was an angel or his hearing has gone. No further commentary required.

The walk is 10km in total, including the walk from our hotel to the start of the hike, 875 ft elevation, the views are spectacular, and we spot a dear. BUT no squirrels or bears. Damn it, where are the bears. We make it back to the hotel in time for breakfast and found out the hotel has a washing machine and dryer you can use. LEGEND.

We do some domestic duties before heading out to discover the wider lake area. I really wanted to drive around the lake but Jason, who is a lot more sensible than I am, pointed out that the lake is 120km long… so, it will take a while to drive around it. Oh yeah. Good point.

Instead, we do a bit of a scenic tour trying not to run over any cyclists, generally frowned upon here, and decide to find a winery for lunch. We pick Quail’s Gate (Homepage – Quails’ Gate Estate Winery (quailsgate.com)) and it is stunning. Again, if you are in Kelowna and have time and a thirst, make sure you visit. The wine is good, the food is tasty, and the views are spectacular. Of course, with good food, wine, and views comes a hefty bill, so be prepared.

Don’t forget you will also have your mathematical gymnastics to do once you add national and local taxes, then the tip, I have started to ignore the exchange rate, its just too hard. FFS.

Jason has decided he feels brave enough to drive so I get to sample the wine. He is such a good man. We had delicious food and I had two sample “flights” of wine, one white and one red.

The server heads over to the table and as she was taking one glass off her tray, she accidentally knocks one of the red wine glasses and it goes flying, hits the table and red wine goes everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. No one is spared the splatter, the server is mortified and I, I am not the person at the table, it actually is not happening to me, I am not sure if the universe skipped a beat, went a little off kilter, but FOR ONCE this shit is happening to someone else. And that feels good (glances around to see if karma is going to bite me for enjoying the moment).

I did feel terrible for the server and the guests who had chosen this particular day to wear lovely white linen shirts. Damn it.

We continued to enjoy our food and drinks and bask in the fact that I was not covered in wine. JOY.

Filled with wine and food we head back to the hotel. Jason does very well, it will be the last time he drives here in Canada, just not his thing.

Jason has a nap, and I go for a walk. I don’t tend to dress up when I am travelling, and often just wear workout shirts, a running skirt, an old floppy sun hat, I was also wearing my old hiking shoes, this possibly explains why the homeless may have thought I was one of theirs. I had a lot of offers to join them for a toke. Hmmm, possibly time to rethink my wardrobe, except I am too lazy, and my clothes are just too comfortable to change. Ah well, it could be worse.

After such a big day we opt to stay in and just have snacks for dinner. Finishing off our amazing loaf of sour dough, gold dust cheese, and some fresh tomatoes, not bad, not bad at all.

I love it when our days have been so full of adventures and fun that we do not have the energy to get out in the evening. A day well spent.

18th September 2024 – Goodbye Kelowna

I will not miss your flaws, but I will miss your stunning scenery.

We get up early to test the promise from our local gym, Anytime Fitness, it is a 24×7, worldwide fitness centre.

If you see one of their gyms, anywhere in the world, you can use your fob you get in. Well, I’ll be damned, it worked. So, we had a quick workout in the gym (feeling very pious for when it is wine o’clock – always) before heading back for breakfast.

Today we drive to Revelstoke, by we, I mean I drive, and Jason tries to distract me by saying “wow, look at that” or “that’s incredible, look darling” whilst I am zipping along at 140kmh. This is probably a good time to point out why I don’t get grumpy about all the driving… the man cannot help himself; he HAS to look at the scenery and it scares the shit out of me.

Today is 211km, or 2 hours and 40 minutes. There are a lot of road works going on but we make it.

More to come.