The Killalea-Walford Travel Blog

Friday 13^th September – Vancouver

Well apart from the weather letting us down, I will be having words with whomever is in charge, the city itself is very pretty. One thing we found really disturbing was the blatant drug use in the streets, on the way from the airport we saw several groups of people smoking meth, next to their little shopping trolleys filled with their possessions. Oh Canada.

The Uber driver mentioned a few streets we should stay away from. Essentially stay in the nice areas and you will be fine. The few days that we were in Vancouver, whilst I saw the drug use and it was prolific, we were pretty much left alone.

Yes, drugs are legal in Canada, including alcohol, tobacco, cannabis (for recreational use), prescription-grade narcotics. There are some restrictions, and the sale of drugs remains illegal. There is a time-limited trial that allows adults to possess a combined total of 2.5 grams of opioids, cocaine, methamphetamine, and MDMA without being arrested or charged. Yep, you read that right.

We arrive at our hotel, Wedgewood Hotel and Spa (Wedgewood Hotel & Spa | Vancouver Boutique Luxury Hotel) if you look at the website you will see footage of Jason and I arriving, pretty bloody nice! A man in a lovely suit and top hat sorted our bags and the staff were all very friendly and helpful. The room is massive with two large queen beds in it. YES, I get my own bed (I would regret that – partially – later on).

Dumping all our bags it is time to get a SIM card. Following the advice from the lovely hotel angels we arrive at a very large mall. And, in very large malls, comes a lot of shops. Where there are a lot of shops, there are a lot of shoes to be bought!!

We had not quite made it so far as to purchase a SIM card before I was distracted by a shoe store. In I pop. BUT, I did not buy any shoes (are you proud, shocked, disappointed, a combination)!!! I bought a new jacket, which seems a little left field, it is a lovely jacket though. Photos can be sent upon request (Kirsten G, if you are reading this, you would love this jacket, if I had not deleted Teams I would have sent you a photo already).

Jason patiently waited outside, and we continued on to the SIM store. With that sorted, we are connected, I have working maps, I can now plan the path to the shoe store I really wanted to visit. The home of Fluevog Shoes. How coincidental, it is within walking distance. SURPRISE – not really, homework had been done of course.

We walk the streets of Vancouver, that sounds more dodgy than it actually was, and the streets down by the waterfront are so pretty. We pass a steam powered clock. Very cool, I don’t see the point, but it was pretty and there was steam powering it, so, you know, as advertised.

There were some very inviting looking bars with signage for local craft beers. I promised Jason we would be back. Continuing the mission to Planet Fluevog. We arrive, a little damp, and I have a lovely time trying on shoes I can normally only see online. Jason was very helpful, no really he WAS, and suggested ones that I might like. He is such a good man.

After trying a few pairs (understatement) and with the longevity of my marriage in mind, I decided on a pair and off we went to find him a beer. He had been so well behaved, he really had earned it. Plus I needed to celebrate my new purchase. If anyone is interested in these crazy shoes look here: Calgary Shoes Store | Fluevog Shoes (oh boy there is one in Calgary!!!). The new pair I bought are these ones: Emmeline – Red/Black | Mary Jane Heels with Appliqué | Fluevog Shoes

On the way back to the hotel we stopped off at Rogue Kitchen and Wetbar, possibly one of the weirdest names… wetbar? It was pretty cool though, great service, we ordered a couple of snacks to see us through until dinner, without realising that the snacks were the size of dinner. Jason enjoyed a couple of local beers, I supported the local wine industry and we made our way back to the hotel.

The day is done and so are we.

The bed is so comfortable. NIGHT!

Saturday 14^th September – Vancouver and Whistler

OMFG, slept like a log.

Unfortunately so did Jason, who was practicing the Walford Throat Singing all night. The down side of separate beds? I cannot shove him from across the room, luckily the beds come with 100 fluffy pillows, all of which can be used as projectiles! And no, it didn’t work. God bless earplugs.

No trip to Canada is complete without visiting Whistler, or so everyone told us. I booked us a sightseeing tour to Whistler that included a the Sea to Sky gondola ride at Stawamus Chief Provincial Park, unfortunately the weather was not playing nicely and the majority of the views were obscured by fog and rain clouds.

What we did see what pretty stunning though and it must be incredible on a clear day. We did a couple of walks at the top, to see the views of more clouds with an occasional peak at the harbour and the Stawamus Chief a granite monolith that looms over downtown Squamish (I love these place names). The second largest of its kind in the world – sweet.

Even though we could not see the amazing views we did see SQUIRRELS. All is right with the world, we did not see any bears. Which we are really keen to see, though not too close up.

One of my favourite signs on the handrail at a lookout point “gravity works – don’t put stuff on the fence”. HAHAHA.

We caught the gondola back down again, it was a bit creepy, very Stephen King. Absolutely quiet and descending into the fog, you could not see anything other than the cable 3 metres in front of you. But unlike a SK novel, we made it down unscathed and there were no monsters or murderers waiting in the clearing to get us. That would be quite a different blog post.

Back on the bus and off to Whistler. I would like to tell you that the weather cleared and we enjoyed a sun filled day exploring this beautiful village, but that would be a crock of shit. The skies opened and we just zipped up our rain coats and got on with it.

Our guide had been telling us about Tim Bits. Yeah sounds really dodgy right? Tim Hortons is a Donut place, they do a bunch of other stuff, but donuts are the key business. Apparently Tim Bits are not parts of the namesake served on a stick, but essentially donut holes. He was selling them up and making them sound amazing. I made a mental note to myself to get some on the way back to the bus.

The press is right though, this place is stunning. It must be absolute madness in winter when everyone descends on the village for the snow filled slopes. All the buildings have the chalet feel about them, and the place reeks of money. After wandering the town, doing a few walks finding now squirrels or bears, we found Whistler Brewing Company (this was no coincidence as you can imagine), and Jason tried out some of their craft beers. We had lunch as the fire burned and a small train made its way around the track above our heads.

A break in the weather and out we went, we were wrong. If anything the rain got worse, undeterred we explored a little more before declaring the rain the winner and retreating to another pub. Oh the hardship.

I popped into Tim Hortons on the way back to the bus, very excited about picking up a box of Tim Bits – sold out, nada, nothing, zip, no bits of Tim to be found. Well fuck!

The last stop of the day was Shannon Falls Shannon Falls Park | BC Parks, just near the Sea to Sky gondola, by this time the sun had broken out and it was clearing. So the walk to the falls was really pleasant, we could see the gondola and I noticed it had stopped moving. In fact, it had not moved since we got there. Just goes to show it could be worse! WE may not have gotten the view, but at least we got out! 45 minutes and they were still stationary, bugger.

And that was it, end of the tour, it was good. We got to see some areas we would not have gotten to on our own. The weather was crap but shit happens and you just have to go with it. We toured with Grey Line Westcoast – would definitely recommend Vancouver Hop On Hop Off Tours | Gray Line Westcoast Sightseeing.

Back to the hotel with just enough time to change before our dinner booking at Joe Fortes Joe Fortes | Vancouver Steak & Seafood Restaurant. On their website it states “Seafood and Chop House” what the fuck does that mean? Probably pays not to ask, much like the wetbar. File it away and move on.

We wanted great fish and this place did not disappoint. We had fresh halibut and it was GOOD. So it should be for the price, but really enjoyable. An excellent way to finish the day.

What is with the pricing in Canada, it drives me fucking nuts! The prices you see in the shop, any shop, does not include tax. I mean fucking why? Is it because the tax is optional, ummmm, nope. It just makes everything look cheaper than it is.

Then there is tipping! A confusing and frustrating practice because people in the service industry do not get paid enough to live. If only there was a way to increase the minimum wage eh?

<RANT>

I get that the pay is pittance so if you have good service this should be rewarded with a tip. But why, for the love of Pete, would I tip the person who just sold me a bottle of takeaway water? 18% is the standard so everytime I am eating out it’s a mathematical exercise to figure out what we are spending. Here is the price, plus the national tax, plus the local tax, plus the tip. With the exchange rate… fuck off!

</RANT>

Anyway, it was a lovely day, with great food and wonderful experiences. We are truly lucky to have this opportunity to explore the world. So be grateful Jo, you grumpy woman.

15^th September 2024 Vancouver

Happy heavenly birthday to my mum, who would enjoy this blog but probably tell me off for too much swearing. I can actually hear her sometimes as I go off on my many mental tangents. Amused but trying not to be.

Today the weather gods have decided to cut us some slack! The sky is clearing the temperature is warming, and we have some very cool things to do today.

On our way downtown we pass by a Tim Hortons, whoop whoop, we can get some Tim Bits and Jason can grab a coffee. Expectation was very high, the reality was very low, Tim’s Bits are not all they are promised to be. We had a couple and binned the rest. Apparently the coffee was not up to par either. Oh well.

I booked us a seaplane tour over Vancouver, Jason and I have always thought seaplanes look super cool, so the opportunity to go for a jaunt could not be wasted. It is not cheap, but also not outrageously expensive.

Our flight was delayed, goodness knows why, but this turned out to be a good thing because the longer we waited the clearer the sky got. Silver lining my friends!

Finally our boarding group was called, can the pink boarding group please meet at gate 2, it is an actual gate that takes you down to the jetty where the plane is waiting.

The little seaplane, seats 16 including the pilot (kind of essential that person), really was built for smaller people. Poor Jason, it was like watching Kermit the Frog ride a bicycle – his knees up around his ears and generally out of place.

We take off from Vancouver harbour and do a panoramic tour above the city. Really beautiful and the clouds had cleared for us. The whole experience is about 30 minutes and well worth it. The pilot was good value and was from Australia, this will become a theme.

 There is some time to kill before our next adventure and lunch is on the agenda. Not wanting anything too substantial after last night’s dinner we stop at Subway. And what an interesting experience that was. The poor girl behind the counter struggled with our accent and we with hers.

The best part of the interaction…

YG probably 13 years old: What kind of cheese would you like?

JKW old and grumpy: What kind of cheese do you have?

YG probably 13 years old: We have white, orange, and red.

JKW old and grumpy: You what now?

YG probably 13 years old: White, orange, and red.

JKW old and grumpy: Oh, um, white?

Seriously Canada, what the actual fuck. White is not a type of cheese it is a colour. 21% of your country speaks French, did you stop there and not take on any other attributes?

Bemused I take my wrap with my white cheese and retire outside. To be fair the cheese tasted kind of like cheese, and the wrap hit the spot.

Next on our activity list was Flyover Canada, the Uber driver had recommended it, we had no idea what it actually was, but the reviews were good. We lined up and were shown into the first room. A very loud and interesting video was played and I had no idea what it was trying to tell me, surely this could not be it?

After the video you are lead into another room, seriously if we were not in Canada where everyone is nice, it may feel like you were about to disappear, never to be seen again.

This time you are strapped into chairs, everything tucked away in a baggage holder, and the adventure begins.

It was bloody magical. It’s a 4D, immersive, flying experience where you zip around the entire country, seeing all aspects of life, the different geographical aspects of Canada from the rockies, to the plains, to the ice, and it is incredibly well done. For about 10 or 15 minutes. I cannot recommend it enough. Let Wonder Take Over | Flyover in Vancouver (flyovercanada.com)

Now it is time for a walk along the water to slowly make our way around the city for some sightseeing.

At the beach we stop at the Cactus Club for a drink and a snack. People watching and doing our best not to be judgy. When a man comes along walking his cat, his cat that is wearing a yellow cap. Yep, cannabis is legal in Canada.

Our end goal is to make it Granville Market on Granville Island, apparently it is very pretty and has a lot of local fish restaurants that will not break the bank. What I do love about Vancouver is their dedication to Happy Hour, most restaurants and pubs will have a Happy Hour menu with food and drinks at reduced prices. One of these is the Vancouver Fish Company The Vancouver Fish Company Restaurant & Bar – Home of amazing seafood and West Coast hospitality! (vanfish.com), the guide from yesterday recommended it (granted he also recommended Tim Bits, so the scepticism was real).

Granville Island is a collection of boutiques and farmer’s market stalls. Loads of tourists and locals make their way to eat and shop. It really is super cute and worth the visit. The walk took us around an hour. We booked in to maximise the Happy Hour deals and after a brief wander around the island settled in for a very early dinner.

In this instance the guide was spot on. The food was VERY good, a range of oysters, prawns, fresh salmon, and fish and chips (halibut). After a couple of hours we waddled out of there very happy with our life choices.

Instead of walking home we decide to jump on one of the tiny little ferries that zip between the island and the mainland, it really is a 3 minute journey to each stop, so not far, and these boots are tiny, the seat 12 people and a serious wave would cause concern. But it is super cute and we enjoyed the views.

There are also bicycle type contraptions that you can ride on the water. You peddle, they move. So funny to see a group of people, fully dressed in long pants and button down shirts, cycling their way along the water. No, I had not been partaking in any cannabis.

We disembark the, no doubt VERY safe, boat and walk the 2kms to the hotel, past the meth users and their shopping trollies full of treasure. Just sad.

Good night Vancouver, we leave tomorrow.

16^th September 2024 – Goodbye Vancouver

Today is the day! The day to test my reaction times and my mental fortitude. We have rented a car to drive from Vancouver to Calgary over the next 7 days. Left hand drive and all that good stuff. Eeek, it has been a long time since I have last done this.

Our pick up time was 830am, though I saw the company opened at 800am so we arrived early. That’s a no! 830am means 830am. So we sat and waited until they wanted to talk to us.

Of course the pick up time involves peak hour traffic. I can report that it went well. There were no incidents, and I successfully got us back to the hotel, bags were loaded. We farewelled Vancouver and started the 4 hour, 411km, journey to Kelowna.

FFS What Has Taken You So Long

Well, I have been very slack in getting this story started. Every passing day made it harder and harder to get my shit together and put fingers to keyboard! I am not sure why, perhaps because its been so long since I documented the little voices in my head. I mean they are pretty loud and often quite funny, but they have been locked up for a while, do I really want to let them out and give them a platform?

Sure, why the hell not! Plus, I have pages of mental notes rattling around in my head that need to get out.

So, come along for the ride, or not 😊 those of you who have read my meandering thoughts before are well aware of what you are in for.

Preparing For Liftoff

On the 30^th May I had a wee accident and tore all three hamstring muscles off my pelvic bone. Yes, ouch, fucking ouch. This resulted in quite major surgery on the 12th of June to have them all reattached (the details are gross, and I can happily share separately). The surgery was done three months and one day before this trip was meant to start.

Three months for me to rebuild my strength and stamina, and it is not recommended that you fly any long-haul flights for at least three months to avoid any DVT issues. I was in the clear, because I had three months and ONE DAY!

Needless to say, some pretty intense rehab and physio to ensure I was as ready as possible!

Here we are! In Canada, hiking, walking, and surviving (touch wood) the 13-hour flight to get here.

A massive shout out to my physio Nathan Carloss and my wonderful PT Bec Giles from Lifted for helping me get here (let me know if you need amazing help in these areas).

13^th September 2024

Brisbane – Auckland – Vancouver

I log out of work, see later applications – you are DELETED. And we head to the airport with lots of time to spare. Check in does not go smoothly, surprised?? Not for a second. Apparently, the very pleasant 12 yo who was checking us in, Air NZ cannot issue our boarding pass for our Vancouver flight. After standing around for 30 minutes, watching him type some very impressive codes into the flight system, we were told there was no point waiting and to simply pick them up when we get to Auckland, it will not be an issues.

RED FLAG RED FLAG WARNING WARNING.

We slum it in the lounge having a champagne breakfast, well I did, sometimes I do wonder about Jason’s commitment to the holiday spirit. I mean seriously, orange juice?

Anyway, I took one for the team and had bubbles with my breakfast whilst we waited for our boarding call.

I am sure I have mentioned this in previous blogs, but according to my wonderful, handsome and amazing husband, being on time is late.

So, before any boarding call is made, we are downstairs and standing in line. And standing. And standing. And standing some more. The flight was delayed by 45 minutes, well, we weren’t late. But I was well over standing around by the time we finally boarded the plane 😀

Due to the delays, we arrive late in Auckland, our connection time is cut, and we don’t have any boarding passes for our Vancouver flight. But it will be simple to sort, right! Right? RIGHT!!! Its not like we are travelling on Friday the 13^th or anything like that SIGH.

After trying the Air NZ lounge, we are pointed to the Transfer Desk where the queue is very long. And we wait, and wait, and wait. Thank fuck I am a patient person right.

Eventually we get sorted. What gets sorted? No idea, but we have a boarding card, and we can relax in the lounge before our flight.

The flight to Vancouver is on time, and we make ourselves comfortable. I swear that our premium economy seats last time were way more comfortable with seats that reclined further, but perhaps I am a spoilt shitbag and should be thankful for the extra leg room and lovely service.

Our flight attendants are fantastic, a couple of gay guys who were a great laugh and clearly a lot of fun. Supplying me with great info about Vancouver as well as business class treats like nuts and chocolate. They were the best. And I truly hope they had a wonderful time in Davie Village, where they were planning on going partying once we landed and they had gotten rid of us all.

Due to the surgery, I am wearing knee high travel socks to help with avoiding DVT. Being the forward-thinking person I am, I also bought some of those slippers that they supply you at hotels, so we don’t have to put our shoes on every time we go to the bathroom.

So clever. As I was leaving the little bathroom cubicle, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, the black socks the white slippers, I look like some sort of weird German hiker! WTAF! This is a sight that does not need to be seen, however, there is a photo below for those who are interested.

The service was great, and the food was good, I had venison. Yes really. I didn’t like the other choices and, to be fair, it was pretty damn good. Nothing like we cook at home, but I enjoyed it. Don’t judge me.

As we prepared to sleep, 13 hours people, 13 looooooooooooooong fucking hours, I watched a couple of VERY disturbing episodes of True Detectives Season 4 – HMFSB that shit is twisted (I will definitely be watching that when I get home). I popped a couple of melatonin tables (thank you science) and managed to get a reasonable amount of sleep as we sored our way to Canada.

13^th September 2024

Going back in time, we land 6 hours before we left Auckland.

And landed in some true Wellington weather, ummmm, excuse me, this is not what we had ordered and certainly not what we had been promised. To make it a truly Wellington experience everyone we spoke with told us it was “the first bit of rain they had seen in MONTHS” and “if you had only seen the weather yesterday, it was magical”.

Mate, save it for someone else 😀

A very quick and efficient trip through customs, even if I did end up in the wrong lane because it looked shorter!!!! “um madam, this is for Canadians”, apparently wanting to be a Canadian is not a great reason to join their line.

Meh, I made it through and Jason glares at me, he is not amused! I am, of course, amused.

The efficiently of the airport is second to none, we are out in record time and into an Uber, with the lovely and very informative Navin. He is a Singaporean native, supper friendly and helpful, and if you ever happen upon his Uber, tip him big!

6^th May 2022 – The Drought Has Broken (dripping with sarcasm)

Last night the rain POURED down, and poured, and poured some more. Granted, it was not a Queensland style deluge, but it was nonstop. We were nicely tucked up in our warm and comfortable cottage, but every time I woke up, I could hear the rain hitting the roof and the water rushing down the creek, it was a creek now its more like a river.

We have a bit of a sleep in, it’s so nice to not rush anywhere. I open the bedroom blinds and there is a massive peacock staring in the window (important to note the windows nearly go all the way to the floor – the peacock is giant, but not that giant). He is standing very still and staring in the window. Creepy little bastard.

Today we are heading to Hastings Caves and thermal springs! Sounds amazing, yet another wonderful tip supplied by the lovely Kim de Chavez.

According to their website:

The magical underground world of Hastings Caves will open your eyes to what lies beneath the picturesque Tasmanian landscape. The mystery of these Tasmanian c​aves is revealed beneath a dense green forest and ferny glades. The spacious dolomite cave system is a labyrinth of chambers, richly decorated and cleverly lit to highlight ancient subterranean formations.

Newdegate Cave is the largest dolomite tourist cave in Australia. Its vast chambers began to form more than 40 million years ago.

Back on the surface, you can relax in the swimming pool, which is fed by mineral-rich thermal springs. Experience warm thermal pool water that remains 28 degrees, year-round.

Ummm, 28 degrees, I think I will be hard pressed to get Jason into water that is ONLY 28 degrees. Its bordering freezing for him by that stage!

We were booked in for the tour in the afternoon, so we had the morning to do whatever we wanted. And we pretty much wanted to do nothing, so I wrote the blog whilst Jason stoked the fire and watched some terrible movies on TV. One was called The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada, ok, it wasn’t terrible but it was NOT good. Tommy Lee Jones stared and directed, so I feel obliged to like it – because, you know, it’s TOMMY LEE!

As the rain continued, we kept a close eye on the creek outside, making sure it was not getting too close. According to our hosts, who popped over to check on our wellbeing, it never gets near the cottage, so we are safe and sound.

I am also keeping an on the peeping tom peacock I have affectionately named Pedro the Pervy Peacock who is now standing at the lounge window and staring in. It’s quite unnerving and very funny.

Midday we jump in our trusty Toyota and start heading towards the caves. They have told us they are open and operating, the rain is not so bad there. It is about a 40-minute drive from the cottage.

About 15 minutes into the drive, we hit the first bit of flooding, water running across the road at a great rate of knots. Its not deep, you can still see the road, but it is moving fast. We keep going and hit the next lot, bigger, deeper, and faster (like the title of that porn you watched last night). Then we hit the third lot and decide this is fucking dumb. We are in a little front wheel drive Toyota Corolla, on roads we do not know, with flooding and shit weather WHAT ARE WE THINKING!

It is time to abandon this plan and come up with another. The caves will have to wait until next time. We cannot reschedule until tomorrow because we fly out tomorrow, so bugger, but alive, suck it up buttercup and move on.

Plan B, lets go and have a pub lunch, a couple of drinks, watch the rain. No problem, I Google (yes Google, I am fully aware of where I work, but no one Bings, no one!), “pubs near me” and we find one! Franklin Tavern! Lock it in Google Maps, 15 minutes’ drive, excellent.

Well, fuck. Franklin Tavern is not open. All doors are securely locked and the place does not look that inviting.

Plan C, Google has indicated there is a place in Geeveston, The Bears Went Over the Mountain (aka The Bears), boutique accommodation with craft beer and wine. Sorted, off to The Bears we go. It is 20 minutes back to where we started, but no biggie, we have driven further for beer and wine 😊

We drive past a restaurant on the way back to Geeveston called The Kermandie, it looks nice, and open, but we decide we like the sound of The Bears and we keep driving.

AND, it is closed. Apparently winter started on the 2^nd May so no daytime drinks and food. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

Plan D? Really people, fucking really?

SO! You guessed it, return to the car and we drive to The Kermandie, another 10 minutes back towards Hobart. This is feeling a little farcical, we just need the Benny Hill music in the background. As we pull into the parking lot Jason is sure it is closed, I am SURE it is not, I mean the world would not be that cruel! And, indeed, the world is not that cruel! The bar is open, they are serving food, they are welcoming.

After nearly an hour of yoyo driving around the area we finally sit down, a well-deserved drink in hand, and order our meals.

Did it really need to be that hard?

Anyway, the view is lovely, the food is delicious, the drinks are cold. Unfortunately so is the bar. So we eat but do not linger. Kermandie, if you want people to stay and drink, turn up the heat!

We head back to the cottage! The last few days of our trip were focused around hiking and exploring, but sadly we have been unable to do most of our planned activities, all we can do is enjoy our accommodation, stoke the fire, feed the animals, and watch TV. There are worst ways to spend the last few days.

If anything it is fate telling us to calm the fuck down and relax before we head back to Brisbane, reality, and work.

Consider the hint well and truly taken!

Another early night to the sound of rain and gushing water. Tomorrow we leave.

THE END

We loved our trip to Tasmania, we saw so many beautiful places and amazing animals. The people we met were accommodating and friendly, the food delicious and the wine AMAZING. Apparently even the beer was good, but I cannot comment on that.

We climbed mountains, walked hills, drank wine, ate scallop pies, gobbled cheese, scoffed oysters, and stayed up late. It was wonderful.

The selection of what to do in Tasmania is endless, and I would recommend it to anyone.

Is it just like New Zealand? Yes and no. There are definite similarities, but Tasmania is beautifully unique and well worth the time to get there and the cold 😊 we cannot wait to go back again and have already mapped out our next trip.

Thanks Tasmania.

Cheers.

4^th May 2022 – Hobart Day 5 – RAIN

The rain started last night and it has not stopped. It is cold, wet, and miserable. I decide not to go out for a walk this morning.

Krys and David made the wise decision to decamp early and have moved to an earlier flight. I think they were worried that if they met up with us again, they may not make it out of Hobart 😊 seriously though what a fabulous time we had. Thanks again for including us!

The weather being less than welcoming we decide it is the perfect day to get on the Red Decker bus. It is one of the hop-on / hop-off tours that you see everywhere. A big double decker buss that tours the city and points out all the interesting stuff. Needless to say, we did not sit up stairs, though some people opted to and were provided with a lovely poncho!

From the warm, comfortable indoor seat we had selected we spent the next 90 minutes being driven around Hobart, and hearing interesting facts. Did you know Hobart had the first casino in Australia. Must be tied back to the convicts 😛

Many of the parts of the tour I had already seen when I had been out on my walks, but it was nice to get some context. If you are in Hobart do this tour, it will help give you an idea of the layout of the town. Also, the driver comes with a full set of dad jokes to brighten up your day.

We finish our tour and it is getting close to lunch time, Jason is strongly hinting for another Guinness Pie but I think we should do a little more sightseeing. Kimmy had Richmond on the recommended list, the gaol and the oldest operating bridge in Australia. Its not a long way from Hobart and we can stop at a vineyard for lunch on the way.

We kick start our trusty Toyota, who has sat unmoved for the last four days, and head out to Puddleduck Vineyard. It sounds super cute, and they have a restaurant that is open. Only 15 minutes out of Hobart, very close to Frogmore Creek, we arrive at Puddleduck. Wineries are wising up to their audience and most of them have beer on the menu for those heathens that do not like wine.

I opt for the wine tasting and Jason goes for a local beer. He is very happy with the range of Tasmanian craft beers and is thoroughly enjoying working his way through the selection. He has been dedicated to the cause; I am impressed. Puddleduck is a very small, boutique vineyard and none of their wine is available bottle stores. Unfortunately for me, most of my normal go to wines have already sold out for the year! Damn it. But, not one to quit, I purchase a lovely bottle of Puddleduck Pinot Noir 2019. Highly recommend.

Richmond is another 15 minutes down the road, and we head straight to the gaol (do not pass go and do not collect 200$). According to the pamphlet this is the oldest intact gaol in Australia. Building of the gaol started in 1825 and was around before the penal colony at Port Arthur in 1833.

The gaol was originally 19sqm and became overcrowded very quickly. Both male and female inmates were held in the gaol.

Convicts incarcerated here were used for construction around Richmond, including the Richmond Bridge. We do a self-guided tour around the gaol, and it must have been fucking miserable. It is small, and cold, and the bugs and rats must have been EVERYWHERE! Initially the gaoler’s living conditions were not much better than the prisoners, but this improved slightly when they built the gaoler’s residence in 1833.

After that depressing little tour we go to find the bridge, walking through Richmond (tiny little place that it is) the bridge is very easy to find. It was completed in 1825, taking two years to build. It is a really cute, stone arch bridge that spans the Coal River. Now here is some information for you:

It consists of four main arches, of span 4.3, 8.1, 8.3, 8.5, 8.3 and 4.1 metres (14.1, 26.6, 27.2, 27.9, 27.2, and 13.5 ft) respectively, which spring from sloping fins with angular leading edges aligned with the flow of to the lake

Wow, thanks Wikipedia! Mind! BLOWN!

Since we have come all this way, we make sure we drive over the bridge and back again, yep, I can confirm it is in fact still operational.

Well, that was Richmond, we stop in at the Gingerbread Shop, stockpile on some miniature gingerbread biscuits, and start our trip back to Hobart. With a little side track to Every Man and His Dog vineyard.

You can drive past a place with that kind of name.  We nip inside for a tasting in between the rain – which had decided to make a comeback. Despite the name there was not any dogs to be patted. Apparently, they have a Labrador, Archie, who has several bottles of wine named after him, but he old and has now retired from public appearances. They are looking to get a new front of house dog, but so far have not had much luck.

I have to settle for sampling the wine and investing in the local economy once again. I buy a nice bottle of Every Woman & Her Dog Sauvignon Blanc. Not bad.

Back to Hobart, the rain is settling in for the long haul. There are threats of flooding and deluge, joy! Oh well what can you do. We wander around Hobart a little, grab some burgers for dinner and settle in for our last night here. Tomorrow we head to Geeveston, down the Huon River, our last stop before we head home. We are hoping that the weather is not too bad so we can get in a couple of hikes.

Thanks Hobart for a lovely time

Scallop pies – 1 (I really thought there would be more)

Oysters – 1 million

Guinness – lost count

5^th May 2022 – Hobart Day 5 – RAIN

We wake up to beautiful blue skies and a stunning day! The sun is shining and the temperatures are set to hit the low 20s. That is bullshit, it is raining, miserable, and cold. It’s official, we can’t outrun the weather any longer. The shit weather has found us and is settled in.

We pack up the car and start the drive to Hartz Mountains National Park. There are lots of walks you can do there. We are hoping that we will hit a clear patch and be able to do Hartz Pass, it is only 7km with a climb of 180 meters, compared to all our other hikes so far, literally a stroll. Unfortunately when we arrive at the top of Hartz Mountain the cloud is hovering, it is cold and the rain is threatening, not the kind of weather you want to be caught hiking in the mountains.

We make a very sensible decision to NOT go do the hike, my god, when did we become sensible people.

Instead we head back down the mountain a little and do a 10 minute walk to Arve Falls. Very pretty but not what we were hoping for. No critters, no climb, not much of a view. DAMN YOU WEATHER.

It is only 1130am, we have time before we can check into our accommodation and Tahune Adventures is only another 25 minutes further along, so we decide that we can have some fun there, even if it is raining.

Tahune Adventures has an airwalk, swinging bridges, hang gliding, rafting, trails, all sorts of stuff. We look at the map and decide we want to do the airwalk and the swinging bridges.

The AirWalk is an elevated walkway 30 metres above the ground and a stomach churning cantilever section sitting at a height of 50 metres above the Huon River. The views of the Huon and Picton river is lovely. We cannot see much beyond that, because of the weather. But the rain adds to the ambiance, making everything quiet and still. It is also a Thursday, with no school holidays and we have the place pretty much to ourselves.

We put on our warmest jackets, buy our tickets, and start the walk.

First we do the Huon Pine walk, just a little loop that teaches you all about the native trees and what they were used for. Huon Pine is great for boats, as it is resistant to damp and mould. Very handy!

To reach the start of the airwalk we climb up 104 steps and then you are on this massive walkway, up in the tops of the trees. There was a fire in this area a few years previously and much of the flora is still recovering, the flames of this fire reached 55 metres. We can see the scorch marks from the walkway which puts it all into perspective.

The cantilever viewing platform makes my stomach drop. It is 50 meters high and because of the design the whole structure seems to wobble with every step you take. Needless to say that I held onto the handles quite firmly and did not stay out on the platform for long. Just long enough to take a photo of us (me looking less than happy 😊).

The rain finds us again, so we move on and finish off the swing bridge walk. All in all it was a lovely experience, if the weather was nicer I think we would have taken longer and spent more time reading the informative posts and signs. Instead, we brace ourselves and truck on back to the information centre.

It is lunchtime now, and we have a lovely packed picnic to devour. The information centre is also a restaurant, but we are a bit cheeky, buy a couple of drinks (beer and wine obviously) sit outside, under cover, and eat our sandwiches. Whilst the rain pours down all around us. They have an outdoor heater so its quite a lovely setting.

With lunch all finished we need to get provisions for dinner and head to our accommodation in Geeveston. There is a little “town centre” with a supermarket and a butcher. Perfect. Lamb chops and broccoli, we have a good selection of cheese, wine, and beer so if the weather does keep this up we will not die of hunger or thirst.

Our accommodation is only 5 minutes out of town and it is fucking GORGEOUS. It is a little cottage set on the farm where the hosts live and take care of a vast array of rescue animals. Donkeys, sheep, miniature horse, ducks, geese, peacocks, dogs, chickens, and a goat. There is even rumoured to be platypus hopefully we will find them.

Our hosts meet us at the gate and show us around. There is freshly baked bread, eggs and honey from their farm, and rocky road. I don’t think I want to leave this place. They even have a selection of wine you can buy if you are crap at planning and didn’t bring enough

The cottage has everything you need including a fireplace. Jason is very, very happy about this.

We unpack the car and go on a platypus hunt! Walking along the stream looking for any indication of one of the weirdest creatures on the planet. But nothing ☹ Donkey and Trevor, the two donkeys, join us for the walk – in the hope of treats. Even Sparkles the sheep pops by for a head scratch. We also meet the two dogs who are very friendly.

It is dark, cold, and wet. We retire into the cottage, get the fire roaring, put on a movie and do nothing for the rest of the night. This is the perfect little wind down for the end of our busy trip. I do hope the weather clears though. We really want to see more of this part of Tasmania before we leave. Tomorrow we are hoping to get to Hastings Caves, fingers are crossed.

If you are in Geeveston and you are looking for accommodation I cannot recommend this place enough. Kymmik Cottage -Luxury S/C Accommodation – Cottages for Rent in Geeveston, Tasmania, Australia – Airbnb

Night all!

Scallop pies – 1 (I really thought there would be more)

Oysters – 1 million

Guinness – lost count

Rain – Endless

2^nd May 2022 – Hobart Day 3 and Bruny Island

I opted not to go for a walk today, I wanted to catch some extra sleep after our big day yesterday and another big day planned for today.

However, this morning I discover exactly how thin the walls from our converted 1930s building are. It turns out our neighbours did not want to have any extra sleep this morning. Nope, nope, nope, they wanted to start the day with some cardio. Special cuddles if you like. AND BOY OH BOY, did they start the day with a bang. At one point I felt obliged to knock on the wall, mainly to let them know they were not alone, I don’t think they realised how much we could hear. It got a little quieter after that.

It was quite amusing. Luckily, they must have checked out that day and we never ran into them. I would have felt obliged to buy them a drink, I mean we have shared some intimate moments – intentionally or not.

Anyway, after our morning’s entertainment we meet up with Krys and David. Today we have a driver who will be chauffeuring us out to the Bruny Island ferry, coming with us to Bruny Island, and then driving us around to the different locations we have selected. An easier way to see what we wanted without one of us having to focus and drive.

Our man, Peter, picks us up promptly at 830am, we hit the road and join the morning traffic. Luckily, we are heading out of town against the flow. We drive through some lovely little towns to get to the ferry which is around 45 minutes away.

One of the little towns we drive through is called Snug. Yes really, Snug. We spent a fair bit of time talking about Snug and how it got its name. I personally liked the idea it was named after a returning solder. Captain Snug! Snug? Over here sir! Get Snug for me now, I need Snugs here NOW! Oh how I amuse myself. But turns out it was called Snug because it has a nice little bay to dock your boat, the bay is nice and, well, snug. Meh, my story is better, and I think I am going to stick with it – should I ever become a tour guide in Tasmania.

We arrive at the ferry and take the 25-minute trip to Bruny Island. I know nothing about this island other than its beautiful and we should go. They have oysters ☹, cheese 😊, wine 😊 and whiskey ☹ so a very well-balanced island indeed. It is also the location to jump on the Bruny Island Wilderness Cruise, again with Pennicott Wilderness Journeys (https://www.pennicottjourneys.com.au/)

We are running ahead of time so stop off at ‘The Neck‘, the extremely narrow sandy isthmus connecting north and south Bruny. There are 279 steps to get to the lookout at the top, but the views are worth it! It is a lovely spot and this is where all the penguins hang out. We are not here at the right time of day but you can see their prints everywhere, I cannot fathom why they want to climb to the top of this hill, they obviously do not use the steps (actually I don’t know that, I am assuming they cant reach the hand rails?), but their prints are all the way to the top.

As well as stunning views there is a small memorial for the last full-blooded aboriginal Tasmanian, Truganini, who died in 1876. This is an awful story, labelled the Aboriginal Tasmanian genocide. When the British settled in 1803 there as estimated to be four to seven thousand Indigenous Tasmanians, by 1847 there were just 147. While some mixed-race communities endured, the last full-blooded Tasmanian, Truganini, died in Hobart in 1876 you can read more details here, but it is openly spoken about The Australian Holocaust: Extinction of the Aboriginal Tasmanians | The World Unreported.

After our very small hike we head on to Pennicott tours. Krys and David had been on this tour before, but they did it in June and were so cold they never got off their seats. Hopefully this time is not quite as bad. We are adorned with the lovely red, waterproof robes that we had for our Tasman Island tour, but Jason and I opt not to put them on just yet. May as well wait until it actually gets cold. Krys has so many layers on we can barely make out her face! Add the red coat and David could have accidentally left with the wrong person.

We are all bundled onto our boats and get ready to set sail, but without sails, only engines. Big engines, but engines, not sails, in case I wasn’t clear. 750 horsepower of engines, fun times 😊

The cruise takes us alongside some of Australia’s highest sea cliffs, we have already seen the highest during our last cruise, but these are only 30 metres shorter. And what is 30 metres between friends.

We are nearing the southernmost part of Tasmania, which means it is less than warm, I mean if you just keep going eventually you will get to the ice! But I don’t think we have enough fuel on board for that 😊 essentially, I just wanted you to know, it was a bit chilly, but not raining.

The guides are, as always, extremely amusing, the usual jokes and banter that makes the tour most enjoyable. We are cruising past towering crags, so many photos of the cliffs, and they just don’t do it justice. We see lots of seals, and these guys still refer to them as New Zealand fur seals, not brown fur seals. Maybe they did not get the memo? These seals have a small thumb like characteristic on their front flippers, useful for preening and apparently help with climbing up rocks. They are pretty awesome at climbing up, using the waves and their flippers to get quite high. But they are clumsy at absealing down. BOOM BOOM. Another amazing dad joke from the captain.

We see the very rare Australian long necked penguins, also known as black faced cormorants.

The blow hole! As the swell drops it creates a cavern and sucks the air in, as the swell rises it pushes the air out and creates a blow hole. It is super cool! Like giant billows. The kids on the boat really want to get up close when the blow hole spits water out – needless to say our captain obliged, and they got drenched 😊 mission accomplished.

The captain manoeuvres us in and out of deep-sea caves, bloody hell this guy knows how to work this boat. We zoom through the narrow gap between the coast and ‘The Monument’ – if you find it a little scary, just do what the captain does and close your eyes! I love this guy.

Tasmania is prone to fires, which is quite strange as they seem to set a lot of them intentionally! Whilst we were there, they were doing a major burn off to avoid a bad fire season next summer. The worse fire in Tasmanian history was in 1967, referred to as Black Tuesday. This fire was not intentionally set but a natural disaster where 110 separate fire fronts burn through 2600 square kms of land in 5 hours killing 62 people. What the actual fuck!

The worst was in Hobart, the fires made it into town with homes and businesses being destroyed. Including Cascade Brewery – which was the first structure to be rebuilt. Can’t argue with their priorities!

Anyway, back to the boat, the sea is mostly calm and flat, until we get further out from land at the point where the Tasman Sea meets the Southern Ocean – then shit got real. We have some decent swells, and you can really see the waves coming at you. Nothing too scary toady but I would not want to be out here on a rough day.

We start heading back and it is starting to get cold, time to put on the big red condom. We settle in our seats and prepare for the very cold, windy ride back. Then… dolphins! Not as many as the other day but enough to make you smile. We hang out with them for about 20 minutes and the crew continue to look for more sightings – I am pretty sure everyone on the boat was thinking “no more fucking dolphins, its cold”. I think if anyone had spoken up and pointed out a whale or dolphin, they would have been tossed overboard.

Peter is waiting for us back on land and joins us as we have a lovely meal accompanied by wine and beer. Ahh the hard life.

Next on the agenda is Bruny Island Cheese, where we have a little tasting and purchase some cheese, locally made French bread, and a couple of condiments. Onto Get Shucked! This is the highlight for Jason, this place is amazing. Get Shucked is a locally owned and operated oyster farm and bar. They also have smoked salmon so I am happy. Another bottle of wine and more food, that is what we need 😊 the others manage to demolish three dozen oysters.

On a normal day they will sell 400 dozen oysters! That is a shit ton of oysters. Especially considering they take around 3 years to grow. That is quite some planning.

We finish up and decide we are done for the day; the whiskey distillery feels unnecessary after the wine and oysters! Peter takes us back to the ferry for the drive home. It is already 400pm and it has been a long and busy day, arriving back at hotel around 500pm.

There are no plans for the evening other than sitting on the couch with fluffy slippers on.

Plus, its finally Krys’ birthday tomorrow. We need to be rested! We each require to our respective accommodation.

Definitely recommend a trip to Bruny Island, even stay there if you have the time.

Scallop pies – 1

Oysters – 1 million

3^rd May – Hobart Day 4 and Krys’s BIRTHDAY

It is finally THE birthday, the day we have been practicing for. Plus Krys and David leave tomorrow so we need to squish in anything else that is on the birthday to do list. It’s quite an amazing list, and we are very lucky to be part of it. We are seeing so much of Hobart and really enjoying sharing it with these two.

Another walk about the town for me, heading further afield and stretching my legs. Beautiful sunrise and a crisp chill in the air. This morning it is 2 degrees when I head out, so don a couple of layers, hat, and gloves, no long pants though. It’s not THAT cold. By the time I get back to the accommodation it has warmed up and I have defrosted.

Krys signed us up for the Historical walking tour of Hobart, after all it is her birthday and she can make us do whatever she likes 😊

It was so much fun and very informative. We start off from their hotel and we are all handed viewfinders, come on there – those of you over 40 should remember viewfinders. They were amazing technology when we were kids! You put the wheel of photos in and clicked the button to move onto the next photo – now you swipe left or right.

For the tour, the viewfinder is loaded with historical photos of each of the areas we are talking about. Bloody clever really, it allows you to see the contrast of then and now. It was interesting how many of the old buildings remain. Our tour guide, Ash, is imparting a great deal of knowledge.

One of the main buildings in Hobart, I think it is the Customs Building, is an interesting case. It once housed convicts and, like all things to do with the convicts, no one wanted to be associated with it. But there was no money for a new building so, to appease Customs, they simply built a new façade all around the old one. So, it has a beautiful sandstone exterior and the old brick building within. Very cool.

Ash mentioned it was all business at the front and party at the back. Like a mullet. Or, and I love this, all fur coat and no knickers. Bloody gold, if Ash had nothing else worthwhile to say, I would have called this tour a win based on that single insight. However, he did have a lot more to share.

My favourite has to be about the original burial ground established in 1804. Now called St David’s Park. They had been trying to relocate as many of the bodies as possible over a period of time, but many people opted to leave their relations there. Many of the gravestones had been damaged and, in some cases, lost and slowly but steadily they started to lose track of who was buried where. Including Tasmania’s first Lieutenant-Governor David Collins he has a wonderful mausoleum in the park, but Collins himself is somewhere else, they just don’t know where.

Apparently, every so often, depending on the conditions, you see the undulations in the park, in the grass, where the coffins have collapsed. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that, imagine having a picnic and suddenly you sink a foot or so into the earth because a brick vault or coffin has collapsed. Apparently these are the best seats when watching movies or shows in the part. Gross, but comfortable.

We spoke to some construction workers who were spray painting lines on the grass. Being nosy we asked what they were doing – planning on digging someone up maybe? They need to bring in some heavy machinery and because of the number of coffins in the ground, and the issue mentioned above, it is renowned for being soft and unsteady.

They had x-rayed the ground to try and identify the best, sturdy ground to place the machinery without, you know, squishing the dead, and were marking these areas. Gross.

All the remaining headstones have been mounted on the fence around the park. They make for interesting reading. Mathematics was not their strong point, birth and death dates not matching their age. You can also tell when they let the apprentice loose with the engraving, with the occasional backwards S and misspelling.

The tour wraps up and we head to Daci and Daci bakery, recommend by our tour guide, for a little bit of morning tea. The food was AMAZING, so much sugar and butter, but it is Krys’s birthday so calories do not count.

Next stop, Mount Wellington (kunanyi). Slight digression – normally we see dual names for tourist spots both English and aboriginal. This is not so common in Tasmania, maybe because there are no full-blooded aboriginals left on the island? Not sure, but it is something that really stood out to me.

We have been meaning to head up to Mount Wellington, it hovers over Hobart and it looks bloody miserable. Clouds and rain constantly whipping past the peak, one moment blue skies the next rain and the peak disappears. The peak is 1270m above sea level and it is renowned for being cold. Apparently if it is 18 degrees in Hobart it will be 8 degrees at the top of Mount Wellington, and they were not fucking lying.

We head up there and it is blowing a gale, I mean I am not sissy! Wellington wind is nothing to sneeze at, but I could barely stand at times, and it was FREEZING! I am so glad I brought a very warm coat with me, still refusing to wear long pants, my legs were numb within minutes. But at least the rest of me was warm – mostly.

The views were amazing, not that you wanted to spend much time admiring them. Because you would turn into an icicle. Whilst Jason and I head out to all the different viewpoints, Krys and David hide in the enclosed lookout – smart people.

We came, we saw, we took photos, we froze, and now its time for lunch, a late lunch, at the Irish pub. When we were there the other day Jason saw Guinness pie on the menu and it has been haunting him ever since.

We manage to get our order in just before the kitchen closed, order wine and beer and settle in for the afternoon. The wine seems to be flowing very well, the pie was amazing apparently, and the Guinness glass keeps refilling itself. You have to love a good Irish pub and I would highly recommend this one for great food and booze. Hobart | Irish Murphy’s Hobart (irishmurphys.com.au)

Somehow the conversation got onto shots, dear god are we teenagers??? Krys and David telling us about Cock Sucking Cowboys. Now, before you ask, this is the name of a particular shot , and it turns out that Irish Murphy’s has this on their menu. So of course, we had to try it. Shots are ordered and downed in suitable fashion, except for the birthday girl who demurely sipped hers 😊 ah well, its your birthday, you can get away with mature behaviour.

After a couple of hours we leave the comfort of Irish Murphy’s and do a little walking tour of Salamanca Square and the little laneways around it. Wouldn’t you know, we find another bar, and it feels necessary to visit it – Salamanca Whisky and Cocktail Bar, where the boys enjoy some whisky and Krys and I a few more glasses of wine!

Just a small night cap to round out the birthday. Even though it is only 530pm! We may drink shots like we are young, but we head home like we are not! Back at our accommodation by 600pm. IT WILL be an early night tonight. I hope we don’t have any new neighbours with high libidos – I need a sleep in!

Krys and David leave tomorrow – I think their livers will be very pleased to be heading home.

Jason and I are here until Thursday, another day and night.

The weather is changing, I think the rain has finally found us.

Scallop pies – 1

Oysters – 1 million

Guinness – lost count

30^th April – Hello Hobart

We have a very relaxed start to the day, slowly packing up the car and having breakfast. We plan to have a wee look around some of the tourist spots of Port Arthur before driving to Hobart.

Devils Kitchen is a deep gouge in the rocks that has been carved out by the waves of the Tasman Sea. According to the sign this gaping great hole started as a cave which has gradually been eroded away into a narrow, tall gap with steep cliffs. It’s enough to make your toes tingle when you look down. Nonsurvivable – a common term we use when we are out hiking and looking a long way down to a very sudden stop.

We then head to the Tasman Arch and Blow Hole, which are worth visiting. Tasman Arch is amazing. Eventually it will become a massive chasm like Devi’s Kitchen, but not in my lifetime.

Then it was time to head to Hobart. We have plans with Krys and David, it is time to start the birthday week celebrations 😊 Whoop, Whoop!

We arrive mid-morning, too early to check in but just in time to catch the Salamanca Markets. Claimed to be the largest outdoor market in Australia, that seems like a bit of an exaggeration! I think the Eumundi markets are bigger… but there IS a fantastic selection of local produce (no wine at the market though, I feel that is a missed opportunity) we bought some local honey and almonds flavoured with indigenous herbs and spices.

Most importantly they have SCALLOP PIES! The latest batch are still warming in the oven, so we do a quick circuit before heading back.

Of course, there is a queue, so we stand and wait. The wind is bitterly cold, this is the first time I have thought to myself, track pants would be nice about now. We did not have much wind in the mountains but down here by the harbour it is very reminiscent of Wellington on a shit day – still not wearing long pants, nope.

We wait in line, no one wants any of the other pies, we are all queueing for the, and I quote, award winning scallop pies. Jason is visibly excited; we eventually get to the front of the queue, and they are sold out. BAHAHAHA, just kidding, wouldn’t that be funny though!

Jason gets his hands on the scallop pie, and apparently it is amazing. It must be pretty good because he devours it in less than 5 minutes. Happy, happy man 😊 he then spots the second most exciting thing that day, an Irish pub that serves Guinness. We pull up a seat, settle in for a drink or two, and Krys and David arrive. YAY.

We nut out what the plan is for the rest of the day; a walk around the markets, and head out to Frogmore winery for lunch. It is a 15-minute drive and, like everything in Tasmania, super easy to get to. Unfortunately, the restaurant is full but there is a table in the bar area, there is wine tasting, there is beer, and the cheese platter is to die for. WHAT MORE can you ask for!  Thank you David for playing chauffer whilst Krys, Jason, and I hit the booze.

Frogmore Creek Winery is beautiful. The outlook has stunning views of the vineyard itself and the mountains in the distance. It also has a very handy place to park your helicopter – literally 20 meters from the tasting room. So, you know, they have covered all the essentials. And yes, there was a group of people there in a helicopter.

A couple of drinks are consumed (surprise right), cheese platter demolished, time to go back to Hobart so Jason and I can check in.

Our accommodation is very nice, and located on Elizabeth Street and has views of the River Derwent and Sullivan’s Cove. The original 1930s pier building has been converted into serviced apartments. We are very handy to town, including lovely restaurants and pubs. The apartment has everything you need all in one space, we unpack, unwind, dress up, wind up, and out again.

We are meeting for predinner cocktails at 530pm and are booked for dinner at 830pm. Well after Jason’s bedtime – he looks horrified. Thankfully we had a late lunch – so at least he won’t get too hangry. I am sure it will be worth it.

Cocktails are at the Evolve Spirits Bar (Visit Evolve Spirits Bar on Hobart’s Historic Waterfront) in the same complex where Krys and David are staying, only a 5-minute walk from our accommodation. This place is FUCKING FANCY (I am pretty sure I read that in their advertising material)! It has elegant mood lighting i.e. old people like us cannot read the menu because it is so dark but they have extremely bright lights inside the tables so you get blinded at the same time – interesting concept. The hotel and bar are filled with local artifacts (no, not us), all manner of interesting stuff, fancy spirits, and cocktails. Let the fun begin.

Our table angel is a delight, very attentive and friendly, thank god for her because the rest of the staff don’t really seem to give a shit.

We manage to force down several rounds of cocktails and wines, and before we know it its nearly 830pm and we will be late for dinner. You know you are in good company when time zips by so quickly. With a small skinful of lovely drinks we make our way to Mures seafood restaurant (Waterfront Dining and Fish Restaurants Tasmania (mures.com.au), this place is AMAZING, it was established in 1973 (a fabulous year for establishing fabulous things I might add) and is still going strong.

Everyone else starts with a dozen oysters of varying persuasions, not a great idea for me, an allergic reaction to shellfish can really ruin an evening. There is wine, beer, entrees, and amazing mains. By the time we polish off our main course, we are nudging 1030pm, but we are not done yet. We need dessert and an aperitif to finish off the evening – it would be rude not to. The food is amazing, we leave full and very happy, but desperately indeed of bed.

We part ways and pass out. HELLO HOBART and Thank you Krys and David for a lovely evening.

1^st May – Hobart Day 2

I manage to drag myself out of bed and go for a walk around Hobart, the best way to see a city is throw your walking shoes on and get lost. Hobart does not disappoint, there are so many pretty buildings around here and enough hilly roads to burn off some wine.

Apparently, we can thank the fact that they have so many historical buildings left in Tasmania can be attributed to the fact that they were often broke. I guess an island full of convicts would not be a great source of tax revenue. This meant they could not afford to replace all the original buildings which would happen in other cities. It was so often a sign of progress to tear down the old and replace with the new. In Tasmania that simply was not an option, so they lasted longer. Then, when the destruction did start, there were enough smart people to stop it!

So you have buildings all over the city dating back to the early and mid-1800s.

Today we are heading to MONA! It took us a wee while but found that it stands for Museum of Old and New Art (MONA). We have been warned, this is not like any other museum you have been to. I wonder if that includes the penis museum in Amsterdam – a thought I keep to myself.

Not sure how to explain it so I went to their website and a few descriptions are:

• Sea World, with cocktails, and a few works of quite-good-but-not-amazing Australian modernism;
• A place to tie the knot, and push up the daisies;
• Purveyor of hot chippies (among other culinary delights);
• Somewhere people can come to say ‘not sure about the art but the architecture is amazing’;

I wholeheartedly agree with the last one 😊

The best way to get to MONA is jump on the MONA ferry which is owned and operated by the Museum. Krys has taken care of all arrangements, seems somewhat unfair on her birthday week, but she knows what she is doing and books us into the “posh pit” on the ferry. I like the posh pit, at 830am they ply you with food and alcohol on the 20-minute journey to MONA. Nice wine for breakfast, this is my kind of ferry.

We arrive fed and watered now it is time to explore. And wow. It is captivating and, at times, stunning, but holy shit it is fucking weird. Starting with the full scale wrought iron truck and trailer, to the wall of vaginas (called the wall of c*nts) – I did ask Jason, but he did not see any he recognised, onto the tiny cottage with a massive clump of hair in the middle of the floor – that made me feel quite unwell, was it a hairball, or were people scalped?

There is a women’s only room, which was lovely and pretty, velvet and deep forest green. I was disappointed to find it was still under the control of the patriarchy! I stroked some velvet, forest green gloves that were on the display (there was no sign that said I couldn’t – not that I looked) and this bloke steps out of nowhere and told me “don’t touch”. Well, um, excuse me mate, do you have one of those things hanging on the c*nt wall? No? Then get the fuck out of the women’s room. Ok, maybe I should not touch, but it’s like feeding the birds, tell me not to, and it’s going to happen.

The sump oil art work (yup, just a massive amount of sump oil, thousands of litres) DON’T TOUCH THE OIL. There is a man standing at the doorway telling you not to touch, take your bag off and, whatever you do, don’t drop your phone in the oil, no one is going in after it. Not art, maybe, but entertaining all the same – it gave us something to laugh about, and we spent the whole afternoon reminding each other “don’t touch the oil”.

A Ferrari that needs a diet. One room that is dedicated to some seriously sick R18 rated works including a kangaroo. See photo below. This room came with an R18 warning but I don’t think it was very well placed as a lot of parents in there looked VERY uncomfortable – which amused me no end. There is a massive, replicated digestive system that poos once a day – so pleased we were not there at 200pm, apparently the smell is terrible.

It may not have been my kind of art, but we had a really good time walking all through the museum and around the grounds, laughing and discussing what we saw or thought we saw. There is an onsite vineyard, now that is my kind of museum. And this vineyard feels much the same way about humans as I do “ Please help Moorilla stay disease-free by keeping your dirty human bodies out of our vineyard. You humans really are filthy. Do it for the grapes”. And we did. We kept our filthy selves away from those precious little bubbles of happiness.

Now we are waiting for the main event… lunch. Lunch with entertainment! Krys did not quite know what she had gotten us into here. El Culto de Espana!

To get to the restaurant we had to confirm our identities three times, like some sort of secret society, before we entered through this beautifully lit door into the massive, cavernous restaurant with a giant white ball in the middle. Tried as we might, we could not figure out how they got it in there.

The food was a lot like a science experiment. But a beautiful science experiment. None of us could figure out what it was, but we all ate it, and it was delicious! The wine helped, every course was paired with a wine. Obviously Krys, David, and I all took turns picking up the slack for Jason, drinking his wine whilst he had beer.

As I mentioned there was entertainment! And the entertainment was a flamenco band.

This was interesting, the theatre, the songs, the singing, and the women! My god they are HOT, would I cross the floor for them, maybe! Seriously though they knew how to put on an amazing performance, granted we did spend a lot of time with eyes wide and mouths agape. They could knock you down with a glare!

Really good fun, and let’s be honest, the wine was still helping!

We also ended up being part of the art, high in the ceiling of the restaurant are viewing windows where museum patrons can look down on the diners, we must be in so many photos. Of course, we were on our best behaviour… I know, even my best behaviour is not that great. But I can confirm there was no nudity or obscenity – that I can recall.

We finish up lunch and head out to the ferry where David wields his power of organisation and manages to get about 100 people to form an orderly line – without actually saying it. Good work David.

Back in the posh pit we have a few drinks on our return trip. Clearly we had not had enough to drink over lunch. In Hobart we part ways, I think Krys and David need a rest from us (probably me). Don’t touch the oil!

Jason and I have a mission though, tomorrow we are going on a boat cruise and its going to be cold. The man needs gloves. We are in Hobart – surely there are gloves!

Well, you would think so. In fact there are gloves, but those gloves are in stores, and those stores are  closed. Kathmandu, Myer, Kmart, we are doing a fair amount of walking, which is good because of the amount of food and booze we have ingested, and as we were about to give up the hunt we stumble across a souvenir shop! There are gloves! Nailed it.

There is also a giant, wombat soft toy, but Jason won’t let me take it home ☹ sometimes he is so mean.

We get fish and chips from Mures to take back to our apartment planning on an early night.

Another fabulous day!

Thanks Hobart for not raining 😊 and thanks Krys and David for another fun day.

28th April – Port Arthur and Maria Island (supposedly)

Because we cancelled our tour we slowly got up and organised, packed, fed, off we set. We thought we would drive to Port Arthur and have a look around. The weather has improved and though it is overcast, it is actually not raining. So we thought we would check and see if we could get another boat over to Maria Island. The timing will be quite tight.

Arriving in Triabunna Port, there is a bakery (not the Best Bakery, which was closed, hmmm, possibly not the best then) but another opposite. Jason is excited. But no scallop pies. He is cursed.

We head down to the Maria Island Encounter Centre. We can get on the next boat, yay, it is not raining, yay, I had already made our picnic lunch and snacks, we had all our warm gear with us, so why not. 30 minutes later we are on the ferry to Maria Island. Its not far but the sea is quite rough once you leave the harbour. Good fun really!

Catching sight of the mud we opt to leave the bikes and discover the island on foot. We spend the next 2.5 hours walking the beaches, inland, and cliffs. This place is magical.

AND

THERE

ARE

WOMBATS

So many wombats, I mean even the wombats had wombats. Within 5 minutes of disembarking the boat, there is one up on the hill, so I rush up to see it and take photos. I soon learn you do not even need to leave the path. They are everywhere and they are FLUFFY!

They just don’t care about people, too busy eating! You need to stay 2 meters away from them, but I swear you could get right next to them and as longas you were not in the way of their food they would not even notice you.

There are big fat wombats and baby wombats. I am in love.

Oh and the scenery is lovely too. We walk to the painted cliffs. These aren’t exactly cliffs, and they are not really painted, but they are beautiful. The patterns are caused by ground water percolating down through the sandstone and staining the rock. Wave action and sea spray have continued the erosion, resulting in honeycomb patterns, potholes and notches. There are a bunch of students there, high school I think, so we don’t stay too long.

Our next walk is to Oast House, we have no idea what that is, but it looks like a nice walk. Turns out that an oast house (or hop kiln) is a building designed for kilning (drying) hops as part of the brewing process. In other words, we found Jason’s church. This building has been around since 1844, it has seen better days.

We still have time left and I would really like to see the fossil cliffs, if we really hoof it, and if I don’t stop to talk to every wombat, we should be able to do that part of the walk and make it back for our 230pm ferry.

The further we head to the East of the island we see less and less wombats (sadness) but we start to see lots of wallabies and then very large kangaroos. All lazing about on the open fields, which are being whipped up by a strong breeze off the water.

We make it out to the cliffs and they are terrifyingly steep, there is no health and safety guidelines here, just a sign telling you it’s a bloody long way down, so don’t be a dick! Well, I am paraphrasing, but you get the gist. Even Jason is being uncharacteristically sensible and staying away from the edge. Even now, typing about it, my stomach churns.

We have just enough time to get back to our ferry. I am so glad we decided to head to Maria Island it was well worth it, next time we shall go in the sunshine and do some of the larger hikes.

8.82km 175m elevation in 1 hour and 41 minutes

We are back at Triabunna by 315pm and checking into our accommodation in Port Arthur by 400pm. The accommodation is lovely and right near Little Norfolk Bay between the Port Arthur Historic Site and Eaglehawk Neck. It is so secluded and eerie here, the only sound is the passing traffic (not much).

The accommodation is lovely, so well equipped and toasty warm. We unload the car and start thinking about where to go for dinner. This is not a sprawling metropolis so our options are really limited. Without cell reception, and the internet does not work, the only thing we can do is drive and check. I mean, its not like its going to be busy right?

First stop, Fox and Hound – and we are proven wrong, they are fully booked oops! So we keep heading onwards. Next stop, Port Arthur Motor Lodge, the façade, dingy carpark, and VERY dodgy public bar (think Once Were Warriors), all had us thinking what have we done. But, once we found the door to the restaurant (obligingly provided by the toothless lady at the aforementioned bar) the staff were lovely, and the food was FABULOUS.

According to Jason, he had the best ribs he has ever eaten. I shall not take offence, I mean clearly he meant “the best ribs he had ever eaten, other than the ones I cook”.

In all seriousness it was beautiful food, lovely staff, very reasonable prices. If you find yourself hungry in Port Arthur, don’t let the public bar put you off the Port Arthur Motor Lodge.

Goodnight all.

Scallop pies – 0

Wombats – SO MANY FLUFFY WOMBATS

29^th April – Port Arthur and Tasman Island

One of the tours I shuffled about was the Pennicott Wilderness tour to Tasman Island. A three hour cruise along the coastline between Port Arthur and Eaglehawk Neck. You travel beneath the highest vertical sea cliffs in the Southern Hemisphere at Cape Pillar. Explore waterfalls, rock formations, archways and deep-sea caves. And it is pretty freaking awesome. The coastline is part of the Tasman National Park.

We are all rugged up because the boats are all open, there is no where to hide from the cold and the wind.

They also supply you with monk like jackets to keep you protected from the elements. It was not that bad though, so we just kept them close.

Like all tours it is the tour guides that make it memorable, they have their little quips and jokes that get everyone laughing and talking. This time we have Nick and Hamish – they are so damn funny. The usual safety warnings.

How to put the life jacket on, the light in case you need it for reading whilst you are in the water, and if necessary blow the whistle three times, this replicates the elephant seal mating call and will ensure you are not lonely.

The boat can hoon man, 750 horse power and not a lot of weight to the boat. So when they throttle you really feel it. We visit a lot of caves and rock cliffs, the rock formations are amazing. Apparently in the 1950s the English Navy used them as target practice. What the ACTUAL fuck humans!

So, a bit of blurb the dolerite columns were formed during the Jurassic Period over 185 million years ago and pushed up to the surface in the last 10 million or so years. Even the power of the waves, and these waves are brutal, battering these columns for a long time and has not messed with their perfectly formed geometric columns. But yes, the Navy used Cape Raoul for target practice. Bastards, I like to think that mother nature had a little bit of pay back when an English sailor was eaten by a shark a short time later. You just have to hope that there is a little bit of karma in the world. Or as Nick called them, the grey taxman.

We visit a colony of brown fur seals, previously known as New Zealand fur seals, oh for the love of god how bad they smell. It does not matter which way the wind is blowing, you cannot escape the stench, it is rank! They are cute though. I think they look like sea staffies, like when you tell them off and they flatten their ears. Staffies of the sea, I like that.

We then head out to Tasman Island. This place is rugged and people lived on it to take care of the lighthouse. It is an oval shaped island 1.2 square kilometres, close to the south-eastern coast of Tasmania, Australia. The island is in the Tasman Sea, situated off the Tasman Peninsula and is contained within the Tasman National Park.

On top of the island is one of Australia’s most inaccessible light stations, being posted there was so unpopular that it was likened to the infamous American island prison Alcatraz. No shit Sherlock!

The island is a plateau surrounded by steep dolerite cliffs, with its highest point 300 metres above sea level with an average height of 280 metres.

So keep that in mind, keep in mind how fucking far you would fall if you were not paying attention to your surroundings… then think about this… stores and people were taken from a landing stage and winched up the cliffs via a tramway and flying fox.

Every fortnight they would sail out with provisions for the lighthouse keeper and settlement. To get the provisions up the cliffs they built a winch that would be used to drag them up from the shore. No easy feat, it would be too hard for a human to drag them all the way up. So, they bring a horse over to the island.

Fucking seriously, on a small boat they sail over with Whisper the horse. I am sure he was very calm about that situation. And really, where did they get a life jacket to fit him? Then, for the rest of his natural life, he treks up and down the step cliff to bring up provisions.

Right up until the 1950s, the winch was still being operated by a horse. By then, three families lived on the island, with food supplies arriving by mailboat once a fortnight – if weather allowed. The light is still operational today but the settlement has long been abandoned and the Tasman Island Lighthouse and weather station have been automated since 1976 and unstaffed since 1977.

I had to look a lot of this information because the speel was interrupted by dolphins! Lots of them, all wanting to play around the boat, it was really cool, as dolphins are. So we cruised around and played with them for a while before heading back to shore. All in all a bloody awesome tour and I would highly recommend https://www.pennicottjourneys.com.au/

After a quick lunch to warm up, we wanted to get a quick hike in before it turned dark. Fortescue Bay was our only real option. 15kms on a dirt road riddled with potholes, poor little rental Corolla,  we arrive at the beginning of our walk.

As it is getting late in the afternoon we decide we will head to Canoe Bay, it is only 2 hours return. As we are heading out at 200pm and we are likely to lose light at 530, it seems the smartest option. This is another walk where they give time estimates but nothing related to the actual distance, so we are winging it. Turns out the walk is really easy and we get to Canoe Bay in 45 minutes, so decide to push on to Bivouac Bay (some really creative naming happening here) this was a little harder and whilst the guide indicated it would only add another hour to our walk, we decided to turn back at 330, to ensure we were back on the beach by 500pm. It is such a cool forest, very much like home. We did not see any critters, even though one of the beaches was meant to be a rookery for penguins. No penguins were seen ☹

We make it back to the car as the sun sets and head back to our accommodation for a home cooked meal of fish. It was bloody tasty too.

Another peaceful night of sleep, tomorrow we drive to Hobart and meet up with Krys and David, hard to believe that we are halfway through our trip already.

Scallop pies – 0 eek

26^th April 2022 – Off to Coles Bay

I quickly look for our bird friends, but we are up a little later this morning and they clearly have a routine. Funny.

I am still feeling pretty average (gross understatement there – both gross and an understatement). So, it’s a slow day to have breakfast and pack up our car. We are driving to Coles Bay which is nearly four hours away.

We pack up the car, say goodbye to Cradle Mountain and hit the road for our long drive. I am sure there will be a bakery on the way, so hopefully we can find the man a scallop pie 😊

The day is overcast, we have been super lucky with the weather so far, the clearest day possible to head up to the peak yesterday, and nice overcast day for driving.

On the side of the road are very large signs for Best Bakery! Wahoo, we stop in there, they have pies! Jason is getting very excited. BUT, wouldn’t you know it, they have pies, they do NOT have scallop pies!

We have an average breakfast and continue on our journey.

The drive is pretty easy and not a lot happens, not a lot of critters, a few womrocks (that is what happens when you are fixated on wombats and start thinking that your garden variety rock is a small, furry, snuggable wombat).

To keep the economy going we did stop off at a vineyard, you know, because we could. This one is called Devils Corner. It is very cool, stunning views, a viewing platform fabricated from shipping containers, and nice tasking wines. Yes, again I selflessly invested in the local economy before we leave.

Just after 100pm in the afternoon we arrive in Coles Bay which borders the Freycinet National Park. To quote their website Jutting out into the sea on Tasmania’s mild east coast is the rugged and beautiful Freycinet Peninsula. Freycinet National Park, which consists of knuckles of granite mountains all but surrounded by azure bays and white sand beaches, protects a superb array of plants and animals (doubt they have wombats though).

Coles Bay is a little seaside town, the “main” road takes you straight down to Coles Bay and the beautiful beach there. You can also see Freycinet National Park looming above the water. It is stunning – I feel like I am overusing that word; but seriously it has to be used. Even though the day is overcast the view is beautiful. But I am exhausted, so after popping into the Visitors Centre to get maps and ideas for our hikes tomorrow, we check into the accommodation, and I settle in for a good afternoon nap. Those who know me well, know I do NOT nap during the day. I hate it, but today is an exception – I feel miserable. Jason heads off for a walk.

After my nanny nap I find Jason and we go for a little walk together. The rest of the day is quite uneventful, we eat at the local café – very yummy food, head back to our accommodation and sleep. Tomorrow I will feel better DAMN IT. Regardless of whether I do or not, we have a long hike planned. Snot be damned.

Take pills, grab a box of tissues, warm blanket, bed!

27^th April – Coles Bay, Freycinet National Park, Wineglass Bay

We woke up to a reasonably nice day, though the forecast is not great. We decide to get an early start on our hike. Scoff down breakfast, make our picnic lunch, and hit the road. The drive to the start of the hike is only 10 minutes so we are ready to rock and roll at 820am.

We are told it is 11km including the lookout, and will take us about 4 hours. Advice is to go clockwise as this will be 400 steps up as opposed to counter clockwise and 1000 steps! No convincing required there, 1000 steps, hell no!

So up we go! And up, and up, to be honest it is not as bad as Marions Lookout. Before we know it we are at the top overlooking Wineglass Bay, and what a beautiful sight it is. As we leave the peak there is a very poignant sign “Warning steep slippery track”! For the love of Pete, it might as well say “Jo will break her ankle here”. My stomach always drops when I read these, oh well, suck it up, and watch where you step! Time to walk down to Wineglass Bay, across the Isthmus track, to Hazards Beach. We saw a few wallabies in the forest area and one seal on the beach – but the seal had blown on this particular seal, it was a gonner, we could smell it a long time before we could see it ☹

About halfway along Wineglass Bay, and around 4km in out 11km walk it starts to rain, not too much, but we are pleased we bought our raincoat. As we continue the weather gets worse. We are so pleased we got an early start and were able to get to the lookout early, as it is now disappearing behind a bank of clouds. We pass a few young’uns hiking the other way. I would not be walking up 1000 steps to see clouds!

The scenery is rough and rugged but still beautiful. The rain is moving in and getting heavier, on the upside it is not hot 😊. We trek across Hazards Beach, the sand is so white you think it must be close relation to Whitehaven beach 😊 – dipping a toe in the water will soon make it obvious if they are related, they are VERY distant cousins. It is freezing. It is almost cruel, all the beautiful beaches and rivers around Tasmania and none you really want to swim in without a wetsuit!

By the time we are back at the carpark we have walked 12kms and we are wet. Even though we had our raincoats on we still got a little wet. But because we nailed this walk quickly we can head home, get changed, and eat our picnic in comfort.

12km 366m elevation in 2 hours 49 minutes. A pretty good walk, but Cradle Mountain is still my favourite. 

The rest of the day we go and see other parts of Coles Bay and the surrounds. Including a quick trip to Bicheno, pronunciation to be confirmed – but when I read it I see some bejewelled bogan waving her hand in another bejewelled bogans face saying “biiiitch Noooooooooo”.

There is a blowhole there that needs to be explored. So we go, we look, it does its thing, and we leave 😊 not overly impressive, but well advertised as there are a lot of people standing there looking at it.

We stock up at the IGA. It is a funny little place, as you walk in there is a sign that states No Wetsuits. Shows that this must be a recurring issue for a sign to be required.

There is also The Farm Shed East Coast Wine Centre! Well, hello my friend! In we go. Apparently, it is THE place to experience Tasmania’s East Coast wines, and combines wine bar, tastings and sales with art and design. Not only that but they sell beer. Now this place has its market covered! Jason enjoys a nice beer whilst I do some wine tasting.

This time we both invest in the economy before leave.

Now the weather has not improved and the rain continues. Tomorrow we are meant to be taking a ferry to Maria (pronounced Mariah) Island, where we have booked rental bikes to explore. IF it is pissing down, we are not keen on that idea.

So after a lot of struggling with reception I get hold of the company and we arrange for a credit, our itinerary is too tight for us to move it to another day. I also arrange for the tour we are doing on Friday to move to Saturday when the weather is meant to be better. So much shuffling.

Sorted. Back to accommodation for sleep before we leave Coles Bay for Port Arthur tomorrow.

Scallop pies – 0 (but he has beer, so life is ok)