Alaskan Cruise – Departing Seattle

27^th September – Boarding and Bon Voyage

Time to board the elderly express, I mean our cruise ship. You have to select a boarding time, to avoid everyone turning up an hour before they are due to set sail, probably.

I selected 1000-1030. I considered a later time but knew that Jason would want to be there early and waiting anyway, so why fight it.

The process was very easy, everything is well sign posted and they send out tags for your suitcases in advance. All you need to do is fill them out and they will take care of the rest. Within 15 minutes of being delivered to the terminal are bags are tagged and checked, we are checked in, and we are through security. So efficient.

Then we wait. The actual time you can board the ship is 11am and you will be called in order of your boarding group. We are group number 7.

As we sit in the waiting area and look around at the other passengers, Judgy Jo takes full effect, and I am filled with dread. The last and only other cruise we have been on was amazing, with Oceania cruises. So far as experiences go, I would highly, highly recommend (Oceania Cruises Official Site: Cruises Around The World) we did a mediterranean cruise with them and loved every, single minute.

I sound so snobby, but I don’t care, everyone was dressed nicely, respectful, mostly well mannered. And that was not what I was seeing here.

Singlets, jandals, baseball caps on the middle-aged passengers, and a lot of others who just looked like they were waiting to die or had already expired. As we sat in the reapers waiting room it dawned on me that maybe there was a good reason this was on sale…

When we boarded it did not get any better. The boat is older and has an air of mass-produced holidays. Yes, we are grateful, and we are very spoilt to be able to have the holidays we do. We were also terribly spoilt by travelling with Oceania.

We are boarded but our rooms are not ready yet. There is lunch though. This is a good thing, maybe the low blood sugar is responsible for my lack of control over Judgy Jo (who is surrounded by bogans and is about to be trapped on a boat with them for 10 days). Spoiler alert, this is not the root cause.

We line up for food and again, I am disappointed. Jason refers to it as mess food. The kind that would be served up at the Police College, I have not eaten there, but I do agree that the food is ok, it will keep you alive, but its not good, or great. Again, we have been spoilt.

Turns out we had a right to be disappointed. We are heading into some of the best fishing waters in the world with salmon, tuna, halibut, and haddock (to name a few) but what they serve on the boat is frozen fish from Asia (tilapia and baja) not what we had hoped for.

There are announcements being made over the loudspeakers, but as the DJ is so loud no one knows what is being said. Eventually we figure out our room is ready. Thank fuck, I need to get out of here for some quiet time (old Jo).

Our room has plenty of space, like an average hotel room, and a balcony. But none of the decadence and beauty we were expecting. Instead, it looks worn, and a bit tired. Trying to focus on the positive, we are on holiday, we are about to depart the dock. I suggest to Jason we should go upstairs.

On our previous cruise, leaving each dock was celebrated with music and fanfare, and often a cocktail of the day. Very refined – well as much as a cocktail of the day is refined. None of that, instead of Vivaldi we had the DJ playing Gangnam Style and Barbie Girl… enough said.

Back to getting Jason on the move. I mentioned that we should go outside as we leave port and look at the city. It is a beautiful sunny day. He starts to unpack his suitcase. Maybe we can do that after? Ok, so starts to organise the suitcase strap and do other things.

JKW (on the edge of reason): Are you winding me up?

JW (grumpy AF): WHAT!

JKW (reason has now left the building): Nothing, see you later. Leaves the room.  

We are off to a great start. The boat departs. I pull my head in, Jason apologises. We watch the view. Tell each other we are very lucky to be here, unpack our suitcases, get more settled, and go find a drink.

The gym is reasonably well set up and you can watch the ocean go by as you do a workout. Best view from a gym ever!

Tonight, we opt to try the sushi restaurant. They would not let you book in advance, so we had assumed it was flat out busy, but we were the only ones there. WARNING, WARNING! But no, the food was incredible. Everything we tried was delicious and the staff were very attentive. Our new mate, the head chef, sent over an extra dish. Considering we had over ordered; this was met with groans. We ate it anyway.

After dinner we were WAY too full to go to bed, so opted for a night cap at one of the many bars. Jason selected The Spinnaker; it has a great views. Tonight, it also had terrible karaoke, some of the worst I have had heard in a very long time.

A couple of security guards run through the bar, but despite my best hopes, it was not to shut down the karaoke. Bummer.

We listened to a couple more renditions of songs that will never be the same again, and we leave.

Off to our room and sleep. It’s the big guy’s birthday tomorrow.

28^th September – At Sea and the Man’s Birthday

Our first stop is quite some way from Seattle, which means we are at sea for a full day and two nights before we set foot in Alaska. I had to find something to do for Jason’s birthday.

We are still full from last night’s dinner, the man opts for coffee, and we head off on a “Behind the Scenes” tour. As naff as it sounds, it really was very cool.

Starting with a TERRIBLE video on equipment that should have been retired many years ago, my hopes were not high. But, to my surprise, it was all up, up, up from there. Actually, it was down, down, then up, up, but that’s just semantics.

First stop was to the theatre, the entertainment manager talked us through how they arrange and choreograph shows. The Norwegian Sun, the boat we are on, is quite small so any stage shows that come onto the boat have to adjust to fit the environment. No hanging upside down from the ceiling apparently. The entertainment manager is a hoot, very, well… entertaining.

The boat has some good rock and rolling going on, I can’t help but be impressed with how anyone can dance on this stage in these conditions. Apparently, there have been injuries in the past – not me, and not today.

Next, to the galley! This is one of the largest kitchens and services two large restaurants. You are blinded by the sheer amount of sparkling stainless steel. It is very impressive. At any time, there are 150 cooks working in this kitchen, and they work hard! We ate at one of these restaurant’s several times and the food was good. Not great, but good.

Everything in this kitchen is big, including the giant-sized whisk. Might use that later for a birthday treat eww err.

The cooks spend 60% of their time doing kitchen stuff, and like the rest of the crew, 40% of their time is spent on safety drills and training. I like that, as we hurtle towards Alaska and its abundance of ice, it’s nice to know if we hit any, people will know what to do…

We also had a look at where all the food is stored, that is when Jason realises the shit fish that will be served on the boat.

Down to the laundry. Even though the boat has been pitching and rolling, the laundry is under sea level, therefore it is very calm – pays not to think about the fact that you ARE underwater at this stage. The amount of washing they do every day is insane. It would be like having a ship full of teenage girls. They have my pity. At least 6000 napkins – a day!

Into the engine room, not with the actual engines, but where they manage and control the engines (move away from the buttons people). The chief engineer explains everything, which was very interesting, but I have forgotten most of it now. Do this to go faster, do this to go slower, these things stabilise, these things do other stuff. You are not allowed to use your phone in this room, so no notes to help me sound impressive.

Last, but not least, we have a tour of the bridge, that is back up on level 10. The higher you go the more you feel the boat moving about under your feet. The bridge is extremely quiet, no interrupting the captain – I can appreciate that, I don’t really want to die today.

With the tour all wrapped up we head to one of the feeding troughs for a late breakfast.

I have booked us in for wine and cheese pairing, just because it’s his birthday doesn’t mean I can’t have fun too. Jason joins in and has the cheek to drink all his wine! He does wash it down with a beer though. The turn out was quite small so they gave us plenty of top ups.

We are seated with 2 kiwis and an Aussie; this will be the theme for the cruise.

I have done a few of these tasting in my lifetime, if you haven’t noticed, and this one was pretty good.  

We need a wee rest and recovery before the next item on the agenda for the birthday boy, whisky tasting.

This is more the man’s idea of fun. There are three whiskeys, and they try them all neat and then add water. The rye was Jason’s least favourite, the look on his face was priceless. Common sense was prevalent today and I opted to sit out the whiskey tasting and was there for moral support and peer pressure.

When we get back to the room it has been decorated by our room angel, Soe. Including a very large picture of a cake on the door, so everyone knows its his birthday. This is followed up by a ginormous cake, that we cannot possibly eat.

We have a slice each and donate the rest to Soe and the team.

Needless to say, another visit to the gym was an absolute necessity. So much food.

The birthday dinner is at one of their specialty restaurants, Le Bistro, French cuisine. We have a lovely birthday dinner, the food is excellent, the wine was very good too, they sing him happy birthday and bring… another cake.

The day is wrapped up by a night cap at a much quieter pub with no karaoke. Tomorrow, we visit our first Alaskan town, Juneau.

A successful birthday I believe.

29^th September – Juneau (Ju No)

A great night’s sleep, the boat rocking us to sleep. There is a lot more movement than in the mediterranean, but we really enjoy it. Plus, when you are leaving the bar no one knows if it is the boat or the booze that makes you swerve.

As we dock in Juneau we are seeing spouts of water from whales in the waters around us. How cool is that.

I am not sure if any of you have been on a cruise before, so I wanted to give you a little run down on how the excursions work. Each day the cruise line gives you a list of activities you can sign up for. And they will charge you like wounded bulls. The excursions are run by local tour companies, but if you do the excursion through the cruise, they set the prices.

Downside is, they are normally more expensive, and you can end up on a tour or activity with a bunch of whining wankers who do not have the physical capacity or social skills to be doing such an activity.

Upside is, if the excursion is late, the boat has to wait. If something happens to you (unless you have signed a waiver) the cruise will take care of you. There was a recent case in Bali where a bunch of Aussies had booked their own tour, got caught up in traffic, and the cruise line left without them. As it outlined in the information you receive. Also, when we were on Mt Etna and I fell, dislocated my finger etc, the cruise line had to give me some treatment (it was pretty shit, but more than if it has not been organised with them).

On this cruise it seems like any excursions requiring a level of fitness is being cancelled, we had a 5-hour hike booked for Sitka, canned. What about the canoeing, nope, ok, kayaking, cancelled. Sigh.

It could be because it’s the end of the season and tour companies are packing up, it could be because of the weather, or it could be because most of the people on this floating retirement village are not up to anything that requires you to “walk 800m unassisted” (this was a prerequisite for one excursion).

The frustrating issue I have here is they hand you a pamphlet that has all the excursions listed. I find some that I think we will really enjoy. Line up at the excursion desk.

JKW: I would like to sign up for this excursion.

UCM: That excursion is not running.

JKW: Oh, ok, how about this one?

UCM: None of those are being operated now.

JKW: Ummmm, why are they listed here?

UCM: You have to check this list over here, indicates different piece of paper, to see if any of those are listed.

JKW: Oh, so I have to cross reference everything? Because that’s super helpful.

SIGH (first world problems, deep breath, don’t be a self-entitled prat).

Couple of items I found curious/wrong about this cruise line.

Self-licking ice cream:

1. All your bookings and excursions are listed on their app once you have booked them.
2. In order to access the app, you have to have internet access.
3. In order to get internet access, you have to pay them. So you can see the information you need.

Sustainability:

1. Absolutely everything is printed out and left in your room, on tables, available everywhere.
2. All advertised specials are printed daily and left on your bed.
3. If they want you to use the app, make you use it, then why print everything out.
4. There are no recycling bins in your room. So even if you don’t want the paper you cannot dispose of it in a recycling bin.

Enough of that, today’s excursion has not been cancelled and we are very excited about it. We will be going to a mushers camp to see sled dogs and puppies. There is no snow, so our expectation is that we will see where they live and hear how they are trained.

As we dock in Juneau you cannot see how pretty this place is initially, as with most ports it is very industrial and stacked high with shipping containers. There is a super cute grey seal just wallowing about and having a lovely time.

Another cruise ship got in before us and it is massive, 5000 people. Between us and this ship that means 7000 people inundating a town of 32,000 with an extra 25%. I don’t know how they manage it, but it seems to work out well. I mean the biggest queue we saw or experienced was terribly managed exit of our ship, you would think they’d have this figured out.

Dylan, our driver, is a riot with a well-practiced array of jokes and one liners that keeps us all amused as we head into the forest.

Some little-known facts:

• The Mosquito is the national bird of Alaska
• There are only three ways into Juneau
  • By air
  • By sea
  • By birth canal
• There is a state law against pushing a live Moose out of a moving airplane (there is so much to go into here)
• In Juneau the average temperature is just below zero (fuck no)
• Otters may look cute, but they are like a snake cat, a tube of muscle, they will mess you up
• Bears, now this is important so pay attention:
  • If it is black, fight back
  • If it is brown, lie down
  • If it is white, goodnight

The mushers camp is well away from any neighbours, according to Dylan its so they cannot hear us scream… this is my kind of guy. Realistically it is so they cannot hear the 180 dogs barking. Which they do, a lot.

Turns out we will be having a dog sled ride, of sorts. We are on a metal sled with wheels. This is their summer training camp, by the time it is winter, and they are doing competitions or just living life, they are in great form and ready to hit the snow running.

We have 16 dogs in our dog sled team, and they are not huskies. They are not white; they are not what you see in the movies. Huskies have been overbred so much that they are not up to the task anymore. These dogs are part huskie, but they have a lot of mix in there to ensure they are the strongest they can be.

What really surprised me is that the peak age bracket for a sled dog is 8-11 years old. One of the dogs pulling us today is 14! I had assumed they would all be retired by then, instead that is their prime and they love it. The noise and excitement when they realise that they are about to go for a run is incredible.

The ultimate speed they want to aim for, that is sustainable for a longer period of time, is between 8 and 11 mph. They can go up to 18mph but not for long. I am unsure how fast we were going but it felt fast, and we were swinging around corners.

We learnt about the ultimate dog sledding race called the Iditarod, I call it fucking madness, it is 938 mi (1,510 km) long and is usually completed in 8-15 days. During that time the mushers do not sleep. They have to carry everything they need, including little booties for the dogs, because the ice and snow is so hard on their paws. Think about this, you have 16 dogs, each with 4 paws, they need to change the booties every 5 hours (because they get worn out) so they need to carry 3200 with them.

Think of it as the Super Bowl of dog sledding, but colder and furrier Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race – Wikipedia.

We get to meet our team of sled dogs after the ride, and I am really surprised at how snuggly they are and how much they love a good pat. A lot of working dogs are not interested in cuddles, but these dogs are so friendly. There are a couple I would like to bring home.

One in particular would give me big snugs, probably just to get the mud off her face, but I didn’t mind.

Next, we get to meet the latest litter of puppies. You had me at puppy! And, like all puppies, they are adorable, loud, smellie and NAUGHTY. We are allowed to hold them and one of them tries to add some additional ventilation to the jacket I am wearing. Sorry Krys! I think I removed the rascal in time.

We spent a few hours here and it was a great trip, we would love to do this when there is actual snow, seeing how fast they go, it would also be terrifying.

Back in town we still have several hours before we need to be back on the boat, we opt to head up the Goldbelt Tram. It is right by the pier and a very easy walk, since most people had queued for hours this morning there was no wait to head up the top. There was, of course, a hefty fee. $55 per person, plus tax. Well, we are not going to be back anytime soon, so up we went. The views were very impressive, we did not stay long at the top, just enough to try a local beer and wine before joining the queue to descend (Goldbelt Tram – The only tram in Southeast Alaska).

We don’t have to be back onboard until 930pm, loads of time to find a nice place for dinner, and wander back to the ship.

After some research we opted for The Hanger, the menu looks great, the ratings are good, the only issue is we cannot get hold of them to make a booking so we will just have to wing it.

Digression alert: when you are aboard the ship, they hand out VIP shopping deals. There is the usual % off full price, or 2^nd one free, but there is also get things free, with no other purchase required. For example, you would go into EFFY and get a free pendent, all to lure you into the shop and try and sell you more.

I decided to see if they actually hand these things out, and they do. Boy oh boy do they put the hard sell on you though. To which I politely declined and left with my freebies.

Turns out that all these “local” shops are actually owned by the cruise line. Cheeky bastards. Well, they didn’t get my money, but I thought that was a bit rich, trying to squeeze out the local stores.

We made it to The Hanger, and it was thriving, in order to have dinner we would have to sit at the bar. Fine with me, saves the server having to go back and forth for my wine!

The bartender was next level efficient, not only servicing the drinks for everyone in the restaurant, but the bar was also his section, so he had to take our food orders and sort that out too. The man did not stop, he was a whirlybird of efficiency, no one was left hanging, orders were accurate and timely, and he could handle a bit of chit chat in-between. It was a wonder to behold.

The food was just as awesome as we had hoped. Jason’s halibut and chips were tasty and crispy, but not dry. I had a salmon dip, which was so plentiful and delicious we put it in a takeaway container and enjoyed it for the next few days, and a halibut wrap. The fish was fresh and juicy. Very pleased with ourselves. If you are in Juneau eat here and make sure you tip the bartender big, he deserves it (Hangar On The Wharf | Juneau, AK).

With time to spare its off to another brewery, recommended by the amazing bartender, so Jason can try another of the local offerings. Barnaby Brewing (BARNABY BREWING CO.) this place is deathly quiet, and its no wonder as they are closing in 10 minutes. Well, we timed that perfectly. Just enough time for Jason to have a couple of tasters and a pint.

There is also a resident cat, who deemed us worthy of patting him. Jason rates the beers as very drinkable, and I like the hat, so I purchase one of those.

We leave so the lovely young woman behind the bar can get back to closing up.

As we wander back to the boat we have to stop and find a hat for Jason, because, he has lost his new one. I am unsure what he has been doing with his hats. Hat in hand, mission accomplished, its time to board.

Crossing the street to the dock a man from one of the shops calls out.

YMFS: miss, miss, miss, excuse me.

JKW: Hi.

YMFS: There is a bear in the parking lot, you should be careful.

JKW: Oh exciting, where, where.

I promptly turn to walk towards the area of the bear sighting, when the bear pops out of the dark, runs across the street in front of us, and up the hill.

WE SAW A BEAR. IN THE WILD (KIND OF).

An absolutely perfect way to end the day. No photos as the bear was moving way to fast and I did not have time, but it was a bear, and it was a black bear. Happy, happy days.