BANFF 20th September – 22nd September
We bid a very sad farewell to Lake Louise and start the trek to Banff.
We really don’t know much about this place except that it is a mecca for outdoor sports, especially skiing/snowboarding etc. And that it has a strange name that sounds cool if you keep repeating it.
Try it.
See! Banff Banff Banff
Anyhoo, the weather has cleared and despite my worst fears we are not driving through a snow storm. Don’t get me wrong, I have driven in snow before. I am just well out of practice. So was a little bit nervous, it was all for naught because the weather cleared and it was an easy drive to Banff, after the hours and hours I have spent on the road it is only 40 minutes to Banff (60 km) wahoo! Today is the day to cut me some slack.
Thank you universe, or neurotic planning…
As we drive into Banff we see what everyone has been talking about. Wow, fucking wow. Ummmmmm, wow.
We arrive at 1pm and our room is ready for check in, magic. I park up the chariot and we unload the bags. I have no plans to drive her anywhere during our time in Banff.
We are staying at the Elk + Avenue (Elk + Avenue Hotel Official Page: A Few Steps from Downtown Banff (banffjaspercollection.com)) it is mid range, but as we changed our dates to include Calgary, it was the best option we could get. The location is amazing, right in the centre of town, everything is within walking distance and the staff are incredibly helpful and friendly. We needed to do some laundry and had to use cash, $3 to wash and $3 to dry, I only had $5 so they gave me the extra dollar. How lovely is that, you Canadians are so sweet.
Off we go for a walk around town, brrrrr, the wind coming down off the snow-capped mountains is a little brisk to say the least. There is only one thing for it, and that is to find the local brewery. Jason has some sort of homing beacon that identifies a brewery from 100 yards.
In this instance he discovers the Banff Ave Brewery (Home – Banff Ave Brewing Co | Banff Ave Brewing Co) it is quite nondescript and you could easily walk past it, if you did not have a Jason on hand. According to Jason the beers are amazing, and he had to sample a few to be sure. They also had wine so I was more than happy to indulge him.
The bartender provided great insight into different things we can do around town. Including some hikes where we might see elk and/or bears and a restaurant where we can get a decent steak without having to give up another body part in payment.
Back on the street Jason and I have our beer and wine coats on to keep us warm and we head out for a walk around the river. Jesus wept, there are icicles on my eyeballs. It doesn’t help that I am sick – oh yeah, did I mention that Jason made me sick?
Everywhere you turn there are mountain peaks and stunning views the photos do not do it justice. But its worth a try so I take about a thousand snaps.
Dinner is at Melissa’s Missteak – great name (Melissa’s Missteak 2024 – A locally owned and operated restaurant in downtown Banff (melissasmissteak.com)) the food and service are great, and the view out the window does not disappoint.
Its been a long day, we have washing to do, I feel like shit, so after dinner we retire to our hotel room. Which, for fucks sake, is right next to the lift. Ding, ding, ding, earplugs, the best thing ever. Why can’t people use the fucking stairs. Fat bastards.
21st September – Banff Get Enough
Talk about a chilly start to the morning. -3 that is just plain uncivilised. Luckily we had a bit of a sleep in and gave the world a chance to defrost.
We have plans for today, get the bus to the gondola, head up Sulphur Mountain where we had lunch booked at the Sky Bistro. The plan seemed simple enough. Breakfast, go for a walk and look for bears, catch the bus to the gondola, boom.
In order to do any of the hikes in the national park you have to get a pass. In this case it is a day pass which, at $11 each, is quite reasonable. These have to be purchased at the visitor centre. Whilst there we ask is it really necessary to have bear spray.
There is clearly a party line when it comes to this as it is not noted as necessary but “recommended”. They take you through how to use it and what to do if you run into a bear. Then they tell you the cost of a can of bear spray… $75. You can rent it for $10 from some shops in town. I thought if we did buy it we could always take it home as a souvenier, but you are not allowed to take it on planes either in carry on or checked luggage.
Jason decides we do not need bear spray, it will all be fine. I am on board with this as long as he realises that I will be using him as my bear defence. I would like this noted by you all. IF I do, in fact, get eaten by a bear… he may have had this planned all along.
The first part all went to plan, we shared a lovely breakfast at the hotel, layered up and went for a walk along the Bow River. There is a really cool sculpture trail Art In Nature Trail | Banff & Lake Louise Tourism (banfflakelouise.com) along the walk and some of these are awesome. These beautiful and funny pieces are left out in the wild and, from what we have seen, are not vandalised or stolen. I don’t think that would be the case in Vancouver or Kelowna – though I could be wrong, Judgy Jo!
You have to be at the gondola 15 minutes before your booked timeslot. I guess they really want to spread out the crowd to stop everyone turning up at the same time.
Being the exceptionally organised person that I am, we arrive at the bus stop with 20 minutes to spare before the next bus is due. As is normal with public transport it was late.
Finally the bus comes around the corner, god damn it I love when a plan comes together. Except that it didn’t. The bus slowed just enough so we could read the lips of the driver as she said “sorry, full” and then kept on going. You fucking what?
Normally you could just wait for the next bus, but we have a booked time for the gondola, and we have a booking for the restaurant (who needed my credit card details to secure the booking).
Normally I would just suggest we walk to the gondola but we were warned against that last night, a narrow road with no footpaths and lots of buses – not enough fucking buses if you ask me.
Lets break it down:
1145 Current time
1205 Next bus due (which might be full)
10 minute drive to the gondola
1200 gondola booking
8 minute gondola ride to the top
1230 lunch booking
Well that is not going to work. We make the decision to walk back to town, its only a 15 minute walk, and regroup. I jump on the phone to change our gondola time and explain the situation.
I got through relatively quickly and the young woman said she would change our tickets to the 100pm gondola giving us time to get another bus there.
Next was to contact the restaurant, which just did not happen, no one answered, no one responded to messages, nothing. Ring, ring, and ring again. Nothing. Only option is to go and see them when we get there.
The hotel has a private shuttle to the gondola so we wait around to jump on that, it should get us there with plenty of time to spare. I open our new gondola tickets to find that we have been booked for 130 and our return tickets were for 110pm. For the love of all things sacred.
Back on the phone. Explain we were meant to be on the 100pm and that we are now departing before we are arriving. Quite the feat.
Unfortunately we can no longer get on the 100pm gondola, so they book us on the 130 and update the return ride so we don’t need to perform any sort of time travel.
Restaurant – still no answer.
Rather than risk waiting for a later bus, we opt to turn up early and hope for the best.
The bus leaves on time, and is not full. We arrive at the gondola at 1225pm. I head to the information desk and explain the situation, jump on the next one they say. Bloody legend!
We make it to the top and to the restaurant at 1240 – the server politely asks “hows your day”. I think she regretted that when the response came “its been a complete cluster fuck” and proceeded to give her the rundown of the full bus and trying to change tickets and couldn’t get through, but I was happy I couldn’t get through, because we made it, finally, and we were here, and did we still have a booking, and if we didn’t could we get a new one? Complete verbal vomit. Turns out we did still have a booking, and our table was ready, and the full bus thing happens all the time, even to staff.
We are seated and then reseated with a better view. Medical emergency, wine and beer please, stat.
The food was really good and the service friendly and informative. The world is set right again. Breathe.
If you are in Banff the Gondola (Banff Gondola Official Page: Amazing Mountain Top Views & Dining (banffjaspercollection.com)) is an absolute must. The views are spectacular and once you are up there, you have different restaurant options, I personally recommend the Sky Bistro (Unforgettable Mountaintop Dining Experiences at Banff Gondola (banffjaspercollection.com)) for the views and the food.
After stuffing our faces we head out to the different viewing platforms. This afternoon we had planned to do the Tunnel Mountain hike, we had bought the day pass, but because our plans had taken a bit of a left turn time was not really on our side. Instead, we opted to walk down Sulphur Mountain, it is only 5.5km and the track is really well constructed.
We see chipmunks, I have lost count of how many, but we did not see any other wildlife, definitely no bears.
As we amble down the mountain I wonder out loud “what is actually in bear spray”? Jason suggests citronella. I fucking hope not! The thought of scaring off a bear with a scented candle does not fill me with confidence. After a lot more speculation we assume it is probably some form of pepper spray. Which seems far more reasonable.
I have since looked it up, and it is definitely not citronella, if you are interested Bear spray – Wikipedia.
The walk is really lovely, and not too busy. There were a few very determined people walking up. Good on ya!
Back in town we visit the Brewery again, it would be rude not to. There is American Football on TV and couple of people watching intently. One of my favourite podcasts, Crime in Sports (HIGHLY recommend Crime in Sports | Wondery | Premium Podcasts) has a lot of episodes that covers players from NFL and I have picked up a wee bit of knowledge.
We started chatting to the American couple who were from Michigan and cheering on Michigan State University. They were NOT expected to win. So we joined the cheer squad and were educated on the finer points of NFL and NCAA FB. Apparently, from now on, we are Michigan supporters (they won BTW). Such a convoluted game, you can have 8 minutes left in the game and it take 30 minutes to play it. Watching the head high tackles its not surprising that most retire with a head full of CTE.
By this stage it was early evening and we decide to get dinner from the food court. I really want some steamed vegetables and, paradoxically, I also want some Popeyes Chicken. This is mainly due to the Adam Sandler movie, Little Nicky, I can report that Popeyes Chicken is nicer than KFC and did not seem as greasy. However, I don’t think I need to have it again.
What a great day, Banff is beautiful and welcoming.
It is time to hit the sack and get some sleep to the sound of the lift, ding, ding, god damn ding.
22nd September – Bye bye Banff and hello Calgary
Today is our last day in Banff, we are in no rush to leave, we have some life admin to attend to before we go for our last walk.
This morning, we are going on a bear hunt! The idea is to walk along the Bow River and towards the golf course where there are regular sitings of elk and bears. I would like to point out that we still do not have any bear spray.
As we walk along, scanning the track and the trees for anything deer or bear related I SEE IT.
I grab Jason, look, what’s that? It is a large, black, hairy shape. Really, have we finally found a bear.
Well, no we have not found a bear, I had found a large black dog. I am suffering from the “logadile” syndrome, I am so fixated on seeing a bear, that is all I can see. But now I have the song Bear Necessities stuck in my head and it stays there for the whole walk.
We were expecting a path to walk along but it does not seem to exist. Mostly we are walking along the side of the road and looking into the forest for any signs of life.
Quite disappointing as we had hoped to see more. Though I do find some adorable and chatty chipmunks and a very industrial woodpecker. That was pretty cool. We turn around and head back to town, there was no further to go and chances of seeing any more critters were low.
I NEED TO SEE BEARS.
Back in town we have a fabulous lunch at Block Kitchen + Bar (The Block Restaurant Banff (banffblock.com)) the food is fanfreakingtastic. Highly recommend.
And that was it, our last day in Banff, we need to load up the wagon and head to Calgary where we are having dinner with a very special young woman.
I recommend Banff to anyone, whether you like food and wine/beer, sighseeing, outdoors, or people watching, there is something for everyone and we loved it. We definitely want to go back.
22nd September – Calgary meh
Everyone told us the only reason to go to Calgary was to leave. You go there because that’s where the airport is. There is not a lot to do or see, especially if you have spent the last 10days in places such as Revelstoke, Banff, Lake Louise.
Regardless we had a special mission and that was to see the lovely Khali. Khali is the daughter of our friend Belinda, and has been living in Calgary for the last 5 months. As we were all the way over here, it would be wrong not to spend some time with her. Especially as she is winding up her time in Canada.
Driving to Calgary is much of the same except that you can really see the increase in traffic, the closer we get the more congested the roads. Welcome to a city. We hadn’t seen one in a while.
Its about 130km to Calgary, so around 90 minutes. My last long drive. We are staying in the centre of Calgary which, on review, was not really necessary as we were not going to do anything in Calgary other than go to dinner with Khali.
The drive was going very well until we got into the centre of town and all of a sudden it was not. Turns out that the address for the hotel is not where you drive in. This lead to the most stressful driving situation I had encountered since we set out. The GPS was having a fucking conniption and didn’t know where we were or where we were going. The map spinning like a top trying to find its bearings.
I had to pull over and try and work it out based on where we were currently parked and where we wanted to get to. There is a lot of construction with streets closed and There is a lot of construction with streets closed and one-way systems, all leading to a rise in my blood pressure and a rise in the likelihood I was going to run someone over. Which nearly happened as two people crossed against the lights and I was focused on the map.
Thank <insert your favourite deity here> my copilot pointed out the human targets and I slammed on the brakes. They were completely oblivious. After, what felt like a lifetime and was only about 10 minutes, we make it to the hotel. I handover the keys and step away! We made it.
This hotel is lovely, the room is huge and comfortable. Everything is very new and there is plenty of space to repack our suitcases. Tomorrow we fly.
We are meeting Khali at 530pm at the restaurant where she works, The Chairman. The plan is for cocktails first and then a big steak dinner.
We get dressed up, there is a dress code for this restaurant which makes me feel warm on the inside, order an uber and head over there.
We see Khali and she is looking amazing. Clearly the life of travel and working ridiculous hours agrees with her.
The bonus of having dinner with Khali at her place of work is you get the inside scoop on what is good and the staff are super lovely. I am sure they are super lovely anyway, but especially so.
After enjoying a couple of cocktails we go through to the main restaurant. This place is amazing. AND they play lots of Frank Sinatra (yeah, I know, its kind of in the name right) which is another thing that fills me with joy.
We open the menu and it is so easy to read. Check this out, the menus are backlit! So old people, like myself, can easily read the detail. I love this place. What a great idea.
On top of that, the food is FUCKING AMAZING. I have fois gras and it is divine. Jason goes for the steak tartare, and Khali orders the bone marrow. We swap and share and agree they are all pretty amazing.
The server brings out a massive platter of steak for us to choose from. Talking through the cuts etc. Jason takes this as a challenge and names each cut correctly. Well done.
We settle on Canada Prime, bone in, smoked ribeye, and a whole selection of sides, which feels excessive but they all sound so good.
When the food comes out I feel like we need a bigger table, I definitely need a bigger stomach!
Everything is delicious, I cannot emphasise enough just how good this food was. The steak was so tender and well cooked, the sauces perfect, and the sides beat all expectations. Without a doubt, one of the best meals we have had this journey.
Thanks Khali for the suggestion and thanks to the team at The Chairmans for making it such a memorable night.
If we are in the area again we will be back.
Chairman’s Steakhouse (chairmans.ca) GO THERE. You will not regret it.
After eating to the point of gluttony we roll out of the restaurant and into an Uber to head back to our hotel. Where we sleep a big and deep sleep, in a very comfortable bed.
Tomorrow we fly to Victoria. We say goodbye to our silver bullet and begin the final part of our Canadian journey. I can’t believe how fast this trip is going.
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